Before SPM - 4

Dear bloggie,

CNY is just around the corner. It's often that at this time of the year, you will bum into old friends or classmates shopping for CNY. I recently saw an old classmate of mine from High School last Saturday. I was shopping for CNY clothes with my other two disciple monks when I saw Forajman aka Charlie.

Ok, to comprehend and appreciate why this dude is nicknamed Forajman, one has to transcend time and get to know Charlie... So I think I will start this tale with...

11 years ago,

There was a dude name Charlie that was one of citizens of the High School Klang rejects, the legendary 5N class. Charlie LOVED books. Anywhere you see him, you will most likely see him holding a book close to his chest... Some speculate he was a fetish for books, while other say he's the product of the "Read 1,000 over you will remember it, If can't reread it another 1,000" teaching. I however choose to believe that hidden within the pages of these book are porn pictures. Either that or picture of book without their covers.

Often (+80% times), the only chat topic you can and will end up having with Charlie is "Study" topic. Suffice to say he tend to be ignored (sometimes bullied) even by the reject community of 5N including me. Believe me when I said I tried to be nice to him but having hear him talk every f*ckin day on "Study" topic is just plain f*ckin annoying. I however draw the line at bully cause Charlie is in the heavy weight class, equal or greater to Acapan body size. A clothesline from him and I can end up at the hospital for a week. However as they often say "Giant people are often soft" (Not sure if this applies to Acapan though), hence he is often the victim of pranks from the community of 5N. The funniest prank I remembered was when TC went and caress his beard. I recall Charlie actually getting upset almost like angry but TC being the nutcase daredevil he is, continues to caress his beard.

Moving back to how Charlie earned his nick, it happened in a typical "Sains Pertanian" class. Our class teacher was going on and on about the types of feed for animals. After a god damn grandmother story on these feeds, the teacher gave a short time out and asked if anyone had any question. Most of us, being the slackers and rejects we were had none. Charlie however shot up his hand and asked one. I wasn't paying any attention to his question but I thought I heard the word "Faraj" in his question. I thought I had misheard but when the teacher said "Bukan Faraj, Foraj"... The whole class broke into laughter. Ok, a simple explanation for those that not "Sains Pertanian", Foraj is a Malay word for artificially grown grass feed for cows. Dun ask me why it's call Foraj which sounds like Faraj coz I ain't the nutcase that created this word. So it seems, Charlie mistaken the pronunciation of Foraj with Faraj and even asked the teacher a question on it (If you dunno wtf is a Faraj then go google it). Hence since then, we fondly nicknamed him Forajman for this feat...

Traveling back to the present minus 2 days, I saw Forajman at Jusco Bukit Raja shopping for a new clothes. He didn't really recognize me since my face aged so drastically already and not to mention my balding spot. Since I wanted to avoid another useless conversation on "How are you now? What are you working as? Married?" or worst "Study" topic, I didn't greet him. Suke and Spelly however being the more holy than thou monk went to greet him but Forajman went into the fitting room so they didn't get to greet him.

I wonder what kind of atmosphere would transpired had I greeted him with "Hey Forajman, how's ur Faraj, Ergh... I mean Foraj doing nowdays...?" Would we both be laughing at that silly moment in the past? Would I have an pissed off and angry giant infront of me? Would I be ignored? If only I was as senile as I was 11 years ago to find out...

Before SPM - 3

Dear bloggie,

Having been introduced to the bunch of warlords teacher, our class move on to it's first major event, General Election.

Tension and spirit were high as we as students of 4N perform our responsibility to elect a random and involuntary person from one of us to be our class monitor (aka ketua darjah). The stakes were high as the monitor not only had to bear the burden of assisting the teachers in their every command but also need lead this class by good example. After a less than 30 minutes voting, the unlucky lucky SOB that won the majority vote and thus forced to be our monitor is non other than GKL or Ah Len. Ah Len, while short in height was tall in leadership material for our class. I give the best example of his leadership, once when our BM teacher, Cik R demanded that anyone that didn't do their BM homework go and stand outside the class, almost half of us went out with Ah Len leading the way. Another memorable one was when Cik R demanded Ah Len collected the homework by today, I was still copy and pasting from another classmate whom I loan the homework. Ah Len showed why he's the guy, when after Cik R left the class, he started scanning through the homework he collected and took one out (Need to ensure source is reliable first mah) before starting to copy and paste. And those smart@$$ remarks Ah Len made in response to Cik R that constantly earned him a *cubit*. Tabik!

Okay, back to after the GE. Next was sit position, our class teacher didn't see any need to reposition us to the lame mix race rule, hence we happily resides in clans. Most malay ruled the western part of the room, I meanwhile was seated on the east shore beside Acapan (Acapan just beside window). Infront of us was CW and ET. Behind us meanwhile was Forajman and Nicholas. Oh ya, also the monk clans members, Spelly n Suke were also same class. Spelly and Suke if I recalled correctly sat together at the front row just 1 column from us (4 columns, each with 2 seat per row setup). Our neighbor classes were of course the other 2 science classes, 4L and 4M.

Nothing really exciting happen during the first few weeks, as we are still getting used to our new classes and subjects. But in this phrase, we get to know each other better. For instance, I learnt our class has some of the most ??? (Lost for words here) prefect in the science stream classes. TC for instance, the hot headed, kwai lan prefect that more like samseng than prefect. But gotta luv how he bends the rules, really inspirational for us, rule breakers. I recall once during PJ (Pendidikan Jasmani) when most of us return to class, he came to my area and started ransacking Nicholas's bag. U see, Nicholas is also a prefect but has been a sore sight in our classrom as he has earned the ire of most of us with his "arrogant" and "everything by the book" attitude. One of the guys he pissed of happens to be TC. So TC ransack his bag, pulling out his school pants from his bag. Our lot watch in rap excitement on what TC was doing. TC then messed with the pants zipper till it rosak. Still not satisfied, he also grab a hold of Nicholas water Tupperware and (Be prepared to WTF!?) ... Spit into it! He then quickly put back the pants into the bag and walk away like nothing happened. Soon, Nicholas came back to class. He then sat down and took out his water Tupperware. We all watched as he slowly took a large gulp from it. Some of us couldn't stand it, started to laugh. He asked why we were laughing but we couldn't answer him as we were in pain laughing our @$$. I know it's bad to even laugh or play dumb at this prank but hey, boys should act like boys rite? Later, Nicholas discovered his pants zipper was rosak, but lucky for him, his house is nearby only, after making a phone call home, he got a new pair of pants. Else imagine the scene where he patrol around the assembly with prefect outfit but with either a sport pants or a pants that not zip up... LOL, that would have been a awesome sight.

[To be continue when I have mood..]

Before SPM - 2

Dear bloggie,

Continuing my rants on my more youthful days...

I was feeling pretty gloom and all after being banished to 4N, especially when a loser like that no good, lazy slacker, swindling SOB called MFR could even land his class of choice (4M). I mean, imagine the shame! I as his sifu of Slackerism failed to achieve what I wan with minimum effort, yet this stupid disciple everyday slack like siao pre PMR (Play Fifa 99, 2000, etc... I know cause I play against him one) yet score full A's and get his class of choice... Damn tiu!

While my disciple didn't got banish into 4N, another partner in crime of mine (aka Acapan) from Form 3 got banished alongside me. After the royal verdict was announced, I was gathered alongside with 46+ others crazy, nutcase, lunatic inmates (like me) and slowly marched to our new asylum. Our new asylum is located at the pondok building block at the back of the school. It was rumored that our first school building (rumah pondok) once reside here, before being upgraded to this block.

I could still remember the first teacher that enter the class that fateful day. The teacher that founded the "Sains Pertanian" class, the person whom doomed us here for experimental purposes and our "Sains Pertanian" teacher, Mr S (Using abbreviation to hide identity coz got a BIG thing involve him which I will rant about). Remember the 46+ students, only 2 students choose this class by choice? Know how I know this fact? Mr S told us one on our first class. I quote the phrase that Mr S said that day that changed my whole perceptive on "Sains Pertanian":

"Benda pertama biasa orang fikir bila sebut aje Sains Pertanian ialah Sawah Padi, Cangkul, Matahari Panas. Sebenarnya Sains Pertanian ialah satu subjek yang mengajar kita untuk mengaplikasikan ilmu Fizik, Biology, Kimia and Matematik."

Having studied "Sains Pertanian" (heck scored C3 in SPM also), I will testified that this statement is not far off. I give an example, as we know plants need light to grow (or rather do their photosynthesis), how can me maximize plant growth using light? This knowledge ties back to Fizik (Light spectrum and waves, etc). Don't think Sains Pertanian uses Maths? Think again, how can a farmer calculate the amount of fertilizer required for a hectar of land for a particular plant? Biology, ever dissect a chicken's reproduction organs?

So Mr S managed to suckered us into thinking Sains Pertanian is not such a bad subject after all. Moving on, other subject teacher did their routine "Hi, I'm ur teacher as well as worst nightmare". Our class teacher happens to be our History teacher, I can't remember her name but I recall her as a quite open minded malay teacher that had some education from US. Overall most of our subject teachers are okay with exception for our BM teacher, Puan Cik R which sux to the max! Puan N add Maths teacher, our small but rather fun English teacher (Whom called me Specky which a bunch of NOOBS changed into my nickname Spikey), our super high pitched Kimia teacher, our super boring Fizik teacher, our super sienz gah ai sie Moral teacher, our routine Math teacher and finally our sour faced but kind in the inside Bio teacher.

[To be continue when I have mood...]

Before SPM - 1

Dear bloggie,

Once upon a time ago, when this world was more round, the ozone layer had more layers and I had more hair on my head. I was once a student of the legendary 4N & 5N class in STK (My Secondary School aka Sekolah Tepi Kubur). Confused?

Alrite time out, my secondary school had this stupid class system where there were only 3 classes to choose from for Form 4-5 science stream. Fresh from my PMR 5A failure (Always so near yet so far, UPSR also fell short with 3A), I was confronted with the career choice of 3 classes 4L (Accounting), 4N (Sains Pertanian) or 4M (Lukisan Teknik). Since I see Sains Pertanian with the vision of "Sawah Padi, Cangkul, Matahari Panas" and I sux at drawing, the choice I made was a obvious one. However as u all know, u can't always get wat u want... And in this case my PMR less perfect A's results prevented my from getting my desired class. Instead I was stripped, exiled and banished to 4N, the Sains Pertanian class.

Here the intel on this class:

Name: 4N
Subjects: Bahasa Malaysia Melayu, Bahasa Ingeris, Molan, Matematik, Sejarah, Sains Pertanian, Biology, Fizik, Kimia, Add Maths
Nickname(s): Reject Stock Class, Tanam Kangkung Class
Total Student: 46+
Total Student that choose this class: 2
Total Student's banish to this class: 46+ - 2

Only 2 students enter this class by choice, the rest exiled here due to the fact their result good enuff for science stream but not good enuff for 4L (Cream of the Crop Class) or 4M. I was one of these exiles. Back then I thought my whole life was down the drain, OMGWTF!!! I going to be a petani when I grow up!!! Little did I knew, how deep was this rabbit hole I was going to plunged into...

[To be continue when I have mood...]