Friday, April 18, 2008 0 b*tchin

Hypocrite

I hereby admit I'm a f*ckin hypocrite. Despite swearing never to get involve in any MLM software business anymore, I took up a MLM webapp freelance project from one of my senior. I even fear I maybe gone overboard in taking this project as I'm expected to even write bonus calculation program which I have no experience doing before (Hard to believe ya, 2 years yet no experience calculating bonus). The last 2 week been a very stressful period for me as I had to juggle time to handle my work responsibilities as well as this freelance project. The funny thing though is that in terms of priority, I seem to put this freelance project on the higher "Need to finish" ladder than my normal work tasks. Why? Probably becoz if I screw up this freelance job, my senior is gonna end up taking the rap due to me. I dun really mind taking the rap due to screwing up a task assign to me (Ok, maybe I will get depress), but I really think it's a no-no for someone else to take the rap due to my mistake.

My new work really is starting to make me more and more depress. I'm really struggling to cope with IBM portal technology. I mean, why don't IBM just prepare a proper manual of the functions in IBM portal instead having info center that just have brief explanation on the function? While it's good to have simple example to demonstrate the usage of these functions, it's rarely the scenario in real project you can use the functions like the examples. What if I wanna use a different look for my page pagination instead of the quick and easy provided one? Any suggested answers in the info center? Nope... How bout the community? The module I'm working on (aka IBM Portal WCM) in my opinion have a very scarce community. Spent more time finding how to use the provided functions than doing the configuration itself...
Friday, April 4, 2008 0 b*tchin

~I will still be dreaming my way home

Barbara Kessler - Dreaming my way home

There is a place I’m longing for tonight,
A place I love so far, far away.
There lives in my heart a treasure buried deep inside,
And I’ll keep wondering until I find it again someday.

Somewhere the flowers are in bloom,
A candle burning in a room.
There is comfort in the darkest night,
Even if there is no star in sight.

Every time I close my eyes it’s all I see,
I am haunted by a timeless memory.
And no matter what I do or where I roam,
I will still be dreaming my way home.

Time froze but I kept moving on,
All I have loved, all I have known.
I turned around and in a moment it was gone,
Still I believe I’m never far from home.

Somewhere the flowers are in bloom,
I can almost smell their perfume.
Somewhere a candle, still burning bright,
Even if there is no star in sight.

Every time I close my eyes it’s all I see,
I am haunted by a timeless memory.
And no matter what I do or where I roam,
I will still be dreaming my way home.

0 b*tchin

Blast from the past - Unwell

Mathbox Twenty - Unwell

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like Im headed for a breakdown
And I dont know why

[chorus]

But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then youll see
A different side of me
Im not crazy, Im just a little impaired
I know right now you dont care
But soon enough youre gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

Im talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know theyve all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow Ive lost my mind

[chorus]

But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then youll see
A different side of me
Im not crazy, Im just a little impaired
I know right now you dont care
But soon enough youre gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Ive been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon theyll come to get me
Yeah, theyre taking me away

[chorus]

But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then youll see
A different side of me
Im not crazy, Im just a little impaired
I know right now you dont care
But soon enough youre gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, Im just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
Im just a little unwell
Tuesday, April 1, 2008 0 b*tchin

Time

Whenever I think bout time, I always feel depress.
It's such a great thing yet at the same time, such a frightening thing.
There won't be another nanosecond like the nanosecond that just passed by.
So scary, yet at the same time so beautiful.

It continues to flow like a river does.
Some of us merely drift along the flows of this great river,
Do you know the feel of letting your body drift along a river?
I never drifted along a real river,
but I imagine it feeling something like seeing your surrounding change while you remain stagnant.

Appreciate not the remaining time left in your life,
Rather appreciate the life left in your remaining time,
A rather interesting phrase I heard on the radio.

Understanding the value of time, I'm constantly depress...
I'm depress cause of I know.
I already used up around half of my time, perhaps more...
Yet then why am I still at the middle of nowhere, with no destination in mind still...