Sux 4 It

Dear bloggie,

Yea, my bad patch streak continues... Screw up tis run, only managed a 1 hour 12 min 40 sec. SUX!!!!

A 2 minutes 40 sec slower than my last run and 40 seconds off my target time. The last 3.5K was the most hardest I ran for quite some time. Have a lot of work to do in this 2 weeks if I intend to run the 20K Penang Marathon...

Decided to cut down my bodybuilding for this 3 weeks and focus instead on running. I think I abit too late also de, but better late then never.

This year, very lonely Run 4 It. No see any familiar faces except a Yoga+Pilates regular. Guess everyone too busy frying BIGGER FISH in life to even bother joining events like tis. Onli a loser like me that got nothing to do + no fish to fry onli join this kinda events.

Anyway prove of me finishing tis run...

Gonna run 4 it

Dear bloggie,

My Run4It Shirt and pose...



I can't believe tis "L" (Asian Man) size tshirt, neckline so DAMN kecil! Have to squeeze my head through... Siao

XL neckline seems better but the side too baggy. And they decided to change the red stripes on the side to green. Abit less flashy feel de...

I excluded my head because I going to experiment a more aggressive hairstyle since most gals tend to look at me and see a loser botak...

Almost had a Sode

Dear bloggie,

As my entry title said,

Almost had a sode, short for episode. Was blasting my traps with a upper back row machine. Completed my 10 reps and was resting. Catching my breath, when suddenly I just felt like an alarm went off in my body. Then the next breath I take, my head went dizzy and light headed. I try to keep composure and dragged myself to the couch. I rested on the couch, my body was cold and sense of balance was haywire.

I sat there for a good 10 minutes, trying to figure out wtf is going on with me.

Eaten - Check
Over train - Had a rather hard session the day before
Heatstroke - Highly possible, walked in the hot sun for 10+ minutes today
Fatigue - Maybe
Overwork (at work) - Slack whole day yesterday
Low sugar in blood - No idea
Heartbroken - Yes
Stress - Maybe
Blew a blood vessel driving home - Highly possible

After the breather, I went to the toilet bowl and sat there for another 5 minutes, while leaning my head on the side wall. I felt drained, like no energy at all for that period of time. After my short rest in the toilet seat, my body just went back normal but a slight drop in energy. Manage to still endure a balance class.

This is the 2nd time in my life, I felt such thing. Another was way way back when I was like 10-11 years old when I really just drop like a fly in school. Same symptoms, breath for air, head giddy and body just went karput but mind was still awake. A bit alarmed with my run this weekend and another BIGGER run in 3 weeks time. Hope it's just over exhaustion or maybe dehydration.

So here I was, sitting here with a broken body. Neck pain (Sitting posture in office I suspect), sore chest and triceps, right knee discomfort (Screw up during leg press, lesson: never let emotions dictate ur workout) & the ball of my feet a bit sore (run hill or shoe problem?). When a old college mate msned me. A boss of his own business now. I dunno how many times I heard such thing already. Being someone that auto cast "reflect", I just can't help wondering la... Why I just didn't kick the damn bucket back then. I'm not ungrateful or etc on having a extension on my life but what is the purpose? Is there a bloody purpose? Or izt I the bloody idiot that's doing nothing outta my life sitting for the sun and moon to fall into my lap?

Penang here I run...

Dear bloggie,

After some hesitation, I decided to enroll for this year's Penang Marathon. Will be running my first 20K. So many things not yet confirmed, like transportation, hotel, etc... Yet I decided I REALLY wanted to do it this year. I probably will coupled tis run with a visit Penang holiday break, I got atleast 7-8 days leave accumulated already.

Have a good 2+ weeks to up my stamina. Dunno can manage 20K ar not... Yet one of my 2010 resolution is to run a 20K, so here I go...

Monk

Dear bloggie,

Suffice to say... Things happen for a reason. Something bad to force something good...

No longer am I a monk because it was forced upon me. I am one, because I choose to be one...

---

Dear bloggie,

Repost...



Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell

Bows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
Clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
And you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love
Really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

Oh but now old friends they're acting strange
And they shake their heads
And they tell me that I've changed
Well something's lost but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life
I really don't know life at all

Where do I go from here

Dear bloggie,

Having taken a fall from a 100 storey building, now the question that begs to be ask... where do I go from here...

Some advice from my monks, I should try at least another time since she might be really busy that day. Sources from the Internet meanwhile suggest I salvage whatever leftover of my pride and find another gal, as typically if a gal is interested, she will put try to reschedule or put phrases like "Maybe next time...". I had none of the above, so it highly likely she's just being nice and giving a excuse to stamp a big REJECT word on my head.

It seems I made a mistake when request the date as some online source advice that we should provide some measure of alternatives when asking a girl out. Sorta like maybe, "Let's go eat Wed or Thur". Hence the odds of her being busy both days are less, so if she still says no and shoot excuses, you know she is actually saying "Not Interested".

Personally I dunno what I should do. Try again and risk not only crushing what ever remaining pride I have left, risk making the current awkward communication more awkward, portray myself as a desperado (Maybe I am), hurt my ego again... Or just let it cool down, and let time slowly make this thing forgotten. I thought only in TVB series, such relationship thing is complicated, never knew in real life also so complicated.

Why can't both side just be honest. Not interested, say not interested... Why give excuse to "soften" the blow? If give excuses, typically the batang that desperate (like me) would cling into what ever hope they can think/imagine/fabricate. So need go round 2 to confirm. Then comes the 2nd rejection...

Hurts

Dear bloggie,

I always thought all those guys whom b*tch, groan n even cry, for getting rejected by a gal where merely wuss. I mean common, so many gals out there, just one gal say no, and like "life is sux", "Why why why?", etc

Today, I realized... I'm a wuss too. A tingling sensation at the corner of my heart (Yes, I do have one), small but deep and sharp, like a thorn in my flesh, like a painful toothache that won't go away. I never knew I was capable of experiencing such emotions being an apathetic person and etc. And it got really, really got worst when I saw her the next next day. I tried to be myself, but I dunno izt just me or her, it's really awkward. Really awkward, it feels as both people are merely pretending.

The question surfaces on my mine, is she trying to avoid me to drive her sign, NOT INTERESTED or am I imagining thing due to my wussy state of mind. I feel cold, I feel destructive, I feel even anger at myself, I feel self pity for myself... Why was I rejected? How could I forgot my own f*ckin reflection in the mirror? Why did I open my big mouth? Why am I so lame? Why am I a big retarded zero?

And then I wished I could hit the reset button and start 1 day all over again. Play it differently. Then I realized, there is no reset, no let's forget tis whole lame stunt I pulled and be normal frens.

I'd screwed it up... Like every other thing in life...

#Update, I couldn't even imagine what is going through the minds of those that got rejected in more advance stage as my stage at Level 0 already hurt like crap.

Bad day

Dear bloggie,

I somehow knew when I woke up today too early this morning, I had a vibes karma was coming for a payback... Indeed, one of the worst days for quite some while.

Woke up at 4am, only to fall asleep again at 5am and awoken at 8.00am. Endured a stressful drive to office, was 30 minutes late again and wat frightens me is the fact, no jam. Only too much retarded drivers driving in the roads now days.

Anyway, upon reaching office, and just a couple of minutes after sitting down, my team lead arrive. Then as I just upon my Netbeans editor, he approached me and asked me the status of yesterday's meeting (Actually is more of a demo then meeting). I told him, the team didn't really demo the part I required so I will seek them out in person to get the information I need. In case u wondering wat I doing... My part is to make a connection to a webservice created by this other team. I tested my components using a test webservice this team provided but my team leader is still worried, till I can actually make a real full cycle with the real webservice. Problem is, the they haven't pass the real webservice part to me. So I spend the next 1/2 hour clarifying somethings on the webservice thingy with a guy from the other team. Just as I almost finish asking all the required information, the guy went of for meeting. So I could only make changes for the part he provided information with. I have to say 80% done except for format of the XML, which I need him to clarify. Then I need the real working webservice to test it out.

My day continue to pummel to the earth when I went alone for lunch to Old Town only to find it fulled. *Sigh* Since I don't wanna eat mamak anymore, I dragged myself under the hot sun to the Petronas and buy a bottle of milk for my lunch. Sad...

Dunno why, my day so bad de I still insane enuff to take a risky move to ask a gal for dinner after work. I asked her if she wanna go grab something after work. The gal tried to laugh my advance off by making a joke, but this KCKL nutcase reveals all of his cards on the table. Was therefore rewarded for my non-KCKL... Rejected on the spot... Kena got appointment with fren excuse...

*Sigh* First ever rejection... I wondering wtf was I was smoking at that moment. Pulling such a bold move like tat, so un-bakauish.... I dunno how tis will impact our current workship, but I hope still can communicate as before I done this stupid move (Already reach talk cock stage). Sorta regret it now, maybe better not knowing... At least I can pseudo-think got chance. Ignorance is bliss....

To unwind after this f*cked up day, I decided to go booze. Since MFR is in Africa eating raw black meat, and besides even if I asked him to booze, this so called best buddy of mine wil not 100% sure come teman me one. So I booze alone at Sunway Piramid. Alone being the keyword here... Almost 1+ years since I last booze here. Ordered my favourite Lemon Drop shooter. Took about 3-4 minutes for me to sip it finish, 15-20 more minutes before the effect to kick in. Was walking around the mall in 1/2 drunken mode. Took of my glasses, the whole world seem like a f*ckin blur whirlpool. Decided to try something new. 1/2 drunken, went to shoot some arrows... LOL... 12 arrows, 1 bull eyes shot...

I dunno wat I was feeling anymore. Rejection? Depression? Surrenderism? Monkism? It doesn't really matter anymore... In the middle of the nerve wrecking headache, everything and nothing matters... Lasted a good 30 minutes before the effect wore off. I walked abit longer more to make sure the effect are really over and drove home. Not wiser, not better, not happier, not nothing... only poorer by RM30+ and perhaps bummed on being rejected...

Hard to be myself

Dear bloggie,

It been mostly a very +vef day for me. Woke up late but still somehow managed to come to work "ONLY" 30 minutes late. This sprint module almost finish (super c00l, get to play with code generation where can generate java classes for webservice from the wsdl), can hopefully take a 1 sprint slacking rest... Eat at the grilled fish stall near the bus station today, I have to say best Malay food I eaten so far in Cyberlauya. Taste pretty good and f*ckin cheap some more (RM 3 per piece of fish), only cleanliness a bit suspicious. Overall a great day, except for...

"I park at the far away parking area, so I can exercise walk to khan fei mah (Reduce fat)...".

So hard meh, to pull of this cheapo lame@$$ joke? I pulled of F*CKIN bigger lame@$$ jokes than this a kazillion times la...

Yet, the harsh reality is I pulled most of them in indirect communication (msn, fb, icq, etc) with exception of MFR. I dun understand why really my brains just freezes when it comes down to face to face communication. Most of the time, I would just end up being like a sohai that seem blur f*ck. Worst, is sometimes my brain just grabs watever words that comes into thought and fired it away from my mouth, without even considering the consequence of those words.

Why izt so hard to merely be myself? I mean, I can be my f*ckard self in front of the monks, so why can't I be a d*ckhead in front of others? Shessh... Maybe I have tarzan too long as MFR said.

But DOGDAMMIT! Damn lame@$$ way to waste such a good "chance".... And parking topic!? Wtf was I smoking...

Eating knowledge...

Dear bloggie,

If u told me a year ago to eat healthy, I would probably give u the finger and say "Are u crazy!?"... However, fast forward to now, in my never ending quest to gain more muscle and reduce fat at the same time... I have began to embraced that I need to eat healthy.

I have experimented with quite a number of food combos over the past few months, especially since I no longer able to cook from the comfort of my home anymore for my 2-3 afternoon meals.

Being an oddball and etc, forced me to eat alone for lunch for most of the time. Hence a favorite lunch meal I favor is Old Town. Now before u label me "Nutcase" thinking I think Old Town = Healthy, let me tell ur first what I eat there. 2 Omega 1/2 boil egg and a 2 pieces of kaya toast.

Cost: RM5,
Protein: Estimate (2 x 6g) + (1 x 4g) = 16g
Fat: Estimate (2 x 5g) + (2 x 1.6g) = 13g

I recently have also started to vary my lunch by including KFC into the mix. Jom Jimat Set A, which cost RM 6.20 (+tax) for a piece of chicken, rice, a coleslaw and a drink.

Cost: RM6.20
Protein: Estimate 25 + 5 + 1 = 31g
Fat: Estimate 8 + 4 + 14 = 26g
*Assuming u eat OR chicken breast, and bet u dunno the 14g from fat actually come from the coleslaw. Also u can 1/2 the fat from the chicken by not eating the skin.

A lot of protein but a lot of fat also this combo. Not very healthy.

I'm also guilty of this particular sin. I regretted it after seeing the nutritional fact. McDonald's McValue Meal, Spicy Chicken Deluxe

Cost: RM7.50+
Protein: 17.7 + 4.1 = 21g
Fat: 27.7 + 16.1 (Fries Medium) = 43g

My eyes nearly popped out when I did the maths based on the values from McDonalds website here. 43g fat!! That like the sum of 3-4 meals fat I would normally consumed. I already declared self imposed ban on McDonalds.

So my next experiment? I planning on include canned bean into my diet. A normal yeos canned bean contains:

Cost: RM2.50+
Protein: 12g
Fat: 3g

Super low fat, but protein a bit low. But one thing good about beans is it's high in fiber. Means u will feel full even if u eat a a bit.

Besides this, I also planned to include fish into my diet. Today I demolish a Portuguese Grilled Sting Ray at Midvalley Food Court. I thought I eaten a really huge fat bomb as the meal was so delicious. But having R&D the net on stingray, the supposed nutritional fact:

Cost: RM 6.50
Protein: 39g
Fat: 9g
* Taken from here

I not so sure bout 39g of protein, as that is abit TOO HIGH. And the fat from what I read, seems to be the good type of fat. So really, this meal easily beats anything KFC + McDonald can dish up. But problem is, can I find grilled fish in Cyberlauya?

I not so sure about my new desire to be more of a nutritional nazi, but I'm grateful for my thirst of knowledge for healthy food. Else I would still be dumbly eating KFC coleslaw thinking it's vege hence good for me (It's the mayo, tat's y it DAMN fattening).

They say you are who you think you are. Me think, physically la, you are what u eat. So, till my next hunt for the healthy meals... Take care of what u shove into ur mouths...

#Note: I found out that there is a nice and cheap grilled fish stall at Cyberlauya near at the food court at the bus station there. Will go try out tis monday... Can read more about it here

Copy cat

Dear bloggie,

LOL, Kamen Rider OOO is so gonna be sued by both Naruto & Super Mario Bro...



Kamen Rider OOO's Gatakiriba Form pulling a Kage Bunshin...

Measuring a stick with a ruler

Dear bloggie,

Meet with a old classmate yesterday nite. Yea, seems he is doing very well... maybe a bit too workaholic, yet again which successful people isn't? So, wat I wanna b*cth about this meeting? Well, whats strikes me is the difference between both of us. Well, he was all suited up from work, high "pro" clothes and etc while I was wearing my "smart-casual" wear from work + gym, so for a moment it feels like "an expensive french steak and roaside char kuey teow". The gap of achievement among me and my more "successful" friends feels as it's growing wider by each meeting. Guess we will only get in return how much we put in, for a slacker that put in nothing like me, guess this is always where I will be drifting.

One other note, MFR has left for his GREAT HUGA-HUGA HUGE WILD AFRICA adventure for "diamonds". Hope he "fren" enuff to get a souvenir for his "best fren" from Africa.

Also, will be having a surgery tis saturday. Remove my wisdom tooth. Sux.

Last of all, in a desperate attempt to achieve one of my 2010 resolutions (ie: land a date), I have been trying to "kau" a lui. Not much luck though with my almost non-existence communication skills and "KCKL" word on my back. I been sending smoke fire signals across to the other party like perverted smile, staring at her "assets", stalking her fb, hamsap eye gaze, etc but the signal I receive so far seems mixed. Since I failed in theory of Women 101, I have to rely on my acute wildman instinct. And my "women-sense" is telling me the other party is not interested and only send some response for courtesy sake. Aii... Why can't this "kau lui" thing be more simple like:

"I don't exactly know what I am required to say in order for you to have intercourse with me. But could we assume that I said all that. I mean essentially we are talking about fluid exchange right? So could we go just straight to the sex. - Nash, Beautiful Mind"

Toothache

Dear bloggie,

They say pain is the only real thing that makes know your alive. I feel damn alive right now as I'm having toothache at my last most back teeth... F*CK! Not to mention my throat seem to be injured somehow...

I FEEL F*CKIN PAIN!! I FEEL F*CKIN ALIVE!!

LOL, anyway my short holiday is over, *Sigh*... Been slacking pair programming on these 2-3 days on this short RnD sprint. Practically watch my 2 collegues explore another dept team coding to do a particular something. I always wanted to say tis "OMG! I finally seen a Java Serialize Object!" Like usual, I understand the code, but not the domain logic of doing the thingy. Sux...

One other note, my spending skyrocket quite badly this month... So many things broke down. Maybe sign, I'm next to break down too. My "Protein Powder Supply has exhausted", hence I need fork out a hefty RM226 (price rise, >_<) for a resupply. Got myself French Vanilla Creme flavor and get freebies, a ON (Optimum Nutrition) shaker. My trusty 2-3 years old Nike shoes also broken down, the sole piece of my shoe just feel out... Imagine me in my office with a shoe on one side with a sole, a rather funny sight I tell u. But lucky I lone ranger, no one notice one... I dunno if I should be happy or sad on this though... Ok, so I forked up more $$$ for another new pair a jogging shoes, this time around I decided to go for a New Balance one. Got myself these:



Seem like a entry level shoes... Already damaged my wallet by RM200... All the nice ones are worth atleast RM280+. Being the cincai person, I actually bought myself em a size too smaller. Since I wore them like just once for a hour only, I decided to try to exchange them for a size bigger. Lucky they allow it, they bought me a size bigger to try first. But they bought the wrong model, a almost same design one but the color mix was white + red + black and the black laces, Wow! If there is such thing as "shoe love" in my monkepedia, I feel in love with this model. But u know me, always the KCKL guy... Didn't consider asking if I can fork out extra $$$ to exchanging my current cheap pair for those (Just crossed my mind when I balik home de). Anyway, my current new shoe seem to have less cushioning on the feet compared to my Nikey one. I test run it once already, hill running... Seems no pain in feet for now. But still need some time to break this shoe...

Also bought myself new extra plates to workout. Extra 5kg x 2 worth RM 98 from Fitness Concept. I wanted to buy em already for a couple of months, ok for alot of months ago but keep NATOing. I finally bought them when I was f*ckin depressed the other day, and wanted to booze the other day. It was a really tough, fighting the urge to booze but I somehow managed to do that by diverting my focus to buying these plates... Quite pathetic noes...

Ugh, I hate visits to the dentist. Think gonna end up with ALOT of pain. But the toothache seem to be increasing. Better go today. T_T

2010 is coming to a end soon, left 2-3 months on the calendar. The cycle of depression is typically most peak at the end of the year (for losers), when one's is forced to look back on what they done in a year time. I embracing myself for another downhill.

A hundred thousand angels...

Dear bloggie,

A very calming, blissful & rather haunting song I heard on the radio that the lyrics just suddenly popped up into my mind awhile ago...



A Hundred Thousand Angels

Do you
Hear me calling you
The voice of a mother, a father and a child
Would you recognize the truth
Do you feel a love that's falling from my eyes

Take just a minute
Come and rest you by my side
Let me tell you your own story
Let me walk you through your lives
Only a second
That's all it takes to realize
There's a hundred thousand angels
By your side

Do you
Hear me talk to you
I whisper through the doorways
And pathways of your mind
Clear like the morning dew
And fresh from my journey
Cross an ocean of blue

Take just a minute
Come and rest you by my side
Let me tell you your own story
Let me walk you through your lives
Only a second
That's all it takes to realize

There's a hundred thousand angels by your side
There's a hundred thousand angels by your side

In the past, I dreamt of the future...

Dear bloggie,

I dunno how/when/why but somehow I feel like I had a dream once a LONG LONG time ago about myself working at my current company. I dunno how to explain it, but it's really bizarre. I can't actually remember the dream, but I just know it was a dream of me working of my current company.

I'm not sure if it's a mind trick, memory malfunction, etc...

Alone

Dear bloggie,





Alone - Heart

I hear the tickin' of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?

You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone

Ohh
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?

How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?
Alone, alone

Squating...

Dear bloggie,

The Hindu Squat...



I tried tis exercise last Monday for around 60 reps... My quads are still hurting till today. One thing I have to point out, for this squat, the knee goes beyond the toes, a common NO-NO in squats as it will mess up one's knee. So I don't really recommend anyone with knee problem to do this exercise. Unfortunately, I don't have a degree or anything in fitness nor human atanomy, so I can't really say if this is a good or bad exercise or not... But I think, most exercises comes with a risk... It's only a matter is the risk justified or not, and how much is one willing to take that risk.

Anyway, I'll try asking my pilates instructor on the Hindu Squat to get more insights on the knee thingy tis Friday.

The Riddle

Dear bloggie,

Suffice to say I was about to do something self destructive when I heard this... Sorta calm my nerves back down. I guess I can just be myself and let anything that will happen good or bad, happen...



The Riddle - Five for fighting

There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him

Wait, what's the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me

He said,

Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see... You will see

Then he said,

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

Picked up my kid from school today

Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said,

Dad I'm big but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me

And Hey Dad
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

I said,

Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world...
Who am I?

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see

He said... You looking for a clue I Love You free...

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is high over me
Something comes over me

I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

My lunch with a Pussy

Dear bloggie,

I sat alone today at a empty table... Having droven to this random mamak stall which is located several km from my office. I just feel depressed, really depressed... Not really sure of the reason, maybe I'm sick of it all or maybe I just plain sick of myself. I dunno...

So here I was, chewing on tis piece of chicken, when a cat came under my chair. I ignore it. But it just sat on my left. I look at it. It was staring right at me. My mind starts to create this illusion it was talking to me via telepathy.

"I'm hungry, throw me some food will ya." I tried to ignore it, but when I look back at it, it was still staring at me. I threw it a small piece of my chicken. It chew on it, and I resume my lonely lunch. A few more bites of my lunch, I look at the pussy cat. It was again staring at me, probably hoping I would feed it again. I look at my table which I occupy alone. I threw it another small piece of meat. So this would repeat itself a couple of times. Till I finally ran out of meat. I caress the pussy's head, feeling it's comfy fur and with a decided to "Shoo" it. It just sat there ignoring my "Shoo" still looking a me with those eyes, hoping I would throw it something to eat. But my plate was empty, only left with some fattening chicken skin. I thought of feeding the skin to it, but decided against it. So I went on to sip my coffee.

A couple of minutes passed, and the pussy was still staring at me. I ignored it, and when my coffee cup was almost 3/4 empty, the cat caught on I wasn't going to feed it anymore, so it walked away. I felt a strange moment of loneliness perhaps... I was alone at the table again. I pondered upon the rather strange lunch I had with the cat, and I felt as if I just finished a transaction with a hooker. With a hooker, one pays cash for company. With this pussy, I paid some piece of chicken for it's company. I know, it's such a f*cked up thought.... but that's what was going through my mind at that moment.

I'd stared back blankly at my coffee cup and continue sipping my coffee, realizing the reality I have to re confront again... I'm not sure if I can endure this anymore, not sure if there is any reason for me to continue...

Little wonders

Dear bloggie,

Our lives are made,
In these small hours,
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate,
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours,
Still remain...

Some time ago...

Dear bloggie,

Hard to imagine, almost 2 years ago, I attended tis gig...



"Music is a mysterious thing. Sometimes it makes people remember things they do not expect. Many thoughts, feelings, memories... things almost forgotten... Regardless of whether the listener desires to remember or not."

LOST

Dear bloggie,

I just feel very LOST at this very early morning...

Choice

Dear bloggie,

Tis is one thought I been pondering about for quite sometime since I heard a interview on the radio.

It seems a lot of people give up on their dreams because they realize they will never be able to break the limit of talent and pursue something else that they are gifted with instead. So...

"Is it better to pursue a career which you like but lack talent on or a career that you only so-so like but is talented in?"

It's a difficult question to answer for some people, while for others, it a straight simple easy to answer question. The conclusion of my pondering was "The is no right and wrong answer". One must perhaps walk down a road to discover either is it a dead end road or not. It's a self discovery journey I think. And everybody differs in terms of personality, hence have different wants in life. Some people need to be needed, so these people may be happier pursuing a career that they are talented in instead of like. Others may find themselves happier and more alive chasing a dream, even though if the dream is like chasing a rainbow.

Personally I think one should pursue whatever they find themselves interested in. Talent may get you to the top, but it's really attitude that will keep you on the top. Having said that, one maybe talented in something but without having interest, I doubt one is able to fully expend that talent to the fullest potential.

So, my closing point... Try... You may suffer bruises and blister chasing a dream only to realize the limit of your talents, but without walking down that road, you will never know the real limits of your talent to begin with.