Tuesday, December 28, 2010 0 b*tchin

New Year 2011 Resolution

Dear bloggie,

My 2011 New Year Resolution Evolution List
  1. Run 3 10K

  2. Clock 10K in < 55 minutes

  3. Run 2 half marathon

  4. Run a full marathon - 20.11.2011, PBIM Here I come again.

  5. Up my weight to 66.5kg while maintaining my current fat level

  6. SCJP - Need it to get a pay raise T_T

  7. Tryout 3 new hobbies, Yeah I know I NATOed on this alot of time de

  8. Learn to socialize better

  9. Reinvent my clothing style?

  10. Ask "her" out

Monday, December 27, 2010 0 b*tchin

A year in retrospective

Dear bloggie,

Yea, since I got too much time on my hand (On 1 week leave)... Decided to blog on my 2010 resolutions status...

So without further delay, here they are...

1. Gain around 2.5kg of muscle
Not very productive year in terms of muscle gain. Weight around a fluctuating 63-65kg.

2. Improve hamstring and hip flexibility
Epic failure. Less yoga and balance = less flexibility. Actually lost flexibility instead of gaining it, since when one ramp up on muscle, the muscle tend to get shorter and less flexible.

3. Run a half marathon
Highlight of the year no doubt for me. Ran the PBIM 2010 1/2 marathon and survived the elements to finish the run. WOHOO!

4. Run x5 10K
Larian Bandar Diraja Klang, Centro Run, Orange Run, New Balance Setia Alam Run, Run4It, Emkay Green Run

5. Try to clock a 10K under 1 hour
Cracked tis during my New Balance Setia Alam Run, where I was probably at my physical best. Clocked a 56 min 13 sec time.

6. Try out atleast 3 new hobbies and don't go NATO on one of it
Went totally NATO on tis one. With work in the equation, I hardly have time to even do my current gymin hobby.

7. Revive Penang Annual Trip
Rojak tis trip with PBIM 2010

8. Sort out my career path
Still a massive pretzel

9. Break into the 1600 rating in chess.com
Yea, broke into the 1600 rating quite early on tis year.

10. Read complete a book I had not finish reading since college
NATO

11. Try land a date
GODLIKE EPIC FAIL

12. Blog less, do more
Blog less, do less also... -_-'

2010 in short can be said as a year of mostly failures for me (Nothing new there). Screw up so many things, it's a miracle I can can go on. Some small achievement, mostly on running. Probably spend the next hour thinking on my next entry, which will be on my 2011 resolution. Till then, ciao...
Friday, December 24, 2010 0 b*tchin

Merry Xmas & Happy New Year

Dear bloggie,

Won't be updating this site for a while... Anyway merry xmas and happy new year in advance...

Sunday, December 19, 2010 0 b*tchin

Xmas Eve Mission

Dear bloggie,

Yea, finally have everything I need for this Thurday's do AND die mission. Had to rope in a few advisers to ask on the practically of this mission. Some say too early stage to do such as stunt, while others say it's a usable approach as long the gift is not overpriced. With 2 bullets already missing the mark by a long mile, I was told 3 times is the max one would usually disgrace themselves before gracefully backing off, so this is third rejection would make my failure complete.

Managed to con get a gal ex work colleague to help me pick the Xmas present. Lucky got gal aid, else I would have bought a soft toy or something "uniquely odd" de. Entered all those shop I usually would avoid like the plague, gal perfume shop, gal clothes boutique, etc... -_-' Would feel definitely out of place if I wandering in alone but got gal don't feel so odd. Bought a safe buy, a small pouch (Other stuff considered was a Xmas decoration doll (useless and doesn't really doesn't express my intentions) & perfume (too pricey) )... Too bad had to settle for a less preffered design as the preferred design ran out of stock (Seen 2 preferred designs pouch but didn't buy to check out out other shops and when returned got sold out >_<). Really SUX as really got difference is the design (and price tag as well)...

I still trying to preparing myself for failure outcomes, as another monk brother has pointed out possibles failure scenarios that could really hurt my ego. Consider for instance, getting a return exchange present from her as sign of friendship. Or worst, coming to office on Friday morning and discovering my gift returned on my desk...

Most worrying for me however is can I keep myself in check and walk away gracefully after getting hit again by the train. As my ex colleague advise, the chances of success maybe slim, but it's better to confirm rather than just let if hang in doubt. Being a monk that have been drunk in depression for god damn knows how many years, I tend to say "Sometimes some things are best left unconfirmed, at least you can have happy thoughts of what good things might happen if", "No gain, no pain", "Ignorance is bliss", etc... Still somehow, I have this uncontrollable urge to throw myself at the mercy of another and experience a 3rd rejection, a urge I can't control with any of my farked up logic. Perhaps this is wat people call as desire, lust or maybe desperation?

Now still trying to plan the last few logistic details for this mission. I can wait her till she balik then ambush her then or I can simply message her to wait for me when she balik then approach her then. Both approach are flawed, the former risk having missed her when she balik and is sort of stalkerish (like suke's Valentine 1 layu rose stunt) while the later loses the element of "hey, I just "randomly" bump into u", might also put her in alert mode since I suddenly message her asking her such odd request and also she might reject my request to message me back when she balik, risking failure to the mission before it even started -_-" (This will REALLY hurt my ego!)...

Maybe I'm over analyzing things like MFR say, I tend to do that when I outta my "Zen" state of mind (Or rather "Slacker" state of mind, or when I actually got utilize my brain to think). KISS is what I'm trying to do here. Not kiss her, but rather find a "Keep It Simple Stupid" approach that works. As my 2nd failure taught me, sometimes just need to lose all the corny opening lines and be direct. Need a nice customized blend to meet the customer's taste bud... Too corny and indirect, might farked up the message, too direct might put her on alarm mode. Sadly this has no formula that I can use like e = mc^2 and one have to depends on one's instinct, feelings and just be brave to drive the ship blindly home...

Finally, some would wonder why am I blogging about this pre disaster planning here? I'm doing this so I can remember it clearly. The effort, the emotion, the sohainess of one that fallen to their desire. Desire is the root of suffering, so I want to etched how my suffering started with a simple give a xmas gift thing. Yea, also bloggin about it cause I got nothing better to blog about lately and it serves as a pretty good depressing + lonely + sohai Xmas entry for this blog, noes?

Besides, a pretty good setup post for the annual XMas song I'm gonna repost here on Xmas noes?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010 0 b*tchin
Dear bloggie,

Another rainy day today...

Stomp 2 bugs, one involve adding a small hack to update some image file from the common framework image bundle as I can't directly replace some images coz other people is using that framework image bundle as well, so I added sorta a filter that update the customized images for this particular application to use. 2nd bug, an unreported bug that seem to pop up today. No idea what was going one behind the tons of framework coding, but thanks to the "Force", managed to guess where to put the proper breakpoints that ultimately lead me to the cause of the bug. Fixing the bug after finding out the cause was like eating peanuts with my eyes closed.

Also got ignored when I message that someone. Seems like she very busy... I very very blur on what is going one de. I always thought it's either a yes or no but seem as MFR teach me, not so one. I really dunno she got interest or not. One day can chat like close frens, next day can totally ignored me. Yes, yes, yes, I understand she got work, but is a courtesy "Sori, too busy to chat now" too much to ask? I know I would at least do that even to a work college that not so close.

Another bad news is my left shin seems to hurt when I jog. I suspect there maybe stress fracture on my shin bone. Hence I decided to take 4-6 weeks off running, which means I'll skip the Klang new year run. With no running, I'm yet again deprived from another activity that can provide me with my dosage of endorphin. Gonna be a really depressing 2 months atleast.

Last news, seems after my long Xmas till New year holiday, there will be a reshuffling for teams in my company. From what my team lead has hinted, 1-2 members of my team will kena transfer to other team. I think I'm quite high on the list for 2 reason:

1. Outta the other 5 team members, my skill rates last
2. 3 other members are quite core members of the team, I dun see my team lead allowing them to be transferred. Another member is joined later than me but is female and since most team has at least 1 girl, I quite sure I'm on the chopping board.

Somehow, a part of me (the monk side) actually welcomes this shift. Getting away from the that someone is perhaps a blessing in disguise. Yet another side that already found the zen zone working in this team so hard to let go.
Sunday, December 12, 2010 0 b*tchin

The power of music...

Dear bloggie,



~Where the streets have no name...



~I still haven't found what I'm looking for...



~With or without you...
0 b*tchin

Progress?

Dear bloggie,

Almost 1/2+ year ago... My gun were like tis...



Now...



Shoulder looks abit more rounded, but biceps and triceps still looks like covered in fat de... Sad, 1/2 year hard work and tis is the shitty results...

Anyway, yar... Before I forget, tis is my hairdo for my Penang 1/2 Marathon 2010



Definitely more progress than my guns...
Thursday, December 9, 2010 0 b*tchin

Without limits

Dear bloggie,



"I don't want to win unless I know I've done my best, and the only way I know how to do that is to run out front, flat out until I have nothing left. Winning any other way is chicken-shit."

"The real purpose of running isn't to win a race. It's to test to the limits of the human heart."

"Running, one might say, is basically an absurd past-time upon which to be exhausting ourselves. But if you can find meaning, in the kind of running you have to do to stay on this team, chances are you will be able to find meaning in another absurd past-time: Life. "
0 b*tchin

Xmas countdown: 16 days

Dear bloggie

To celebrate yet another to be lonely XMas... I'll be spamming depressing lonely xmas songs to end of this year... Enjoy :(

Tuesday, December 7, 2010 0 b*tchin

The silly things we do

Dear bloggie,

Almost 2 years ago, after I puked myself silly on the Bachelor Xmas Booze Feast... I made a vow to quit/reduce this destructive hobby of mine. Having chanced upon the way of the dumbbell, I reinforce my resolve to stop boozing.

I managed to keep myself sober for almost 1 year. I recall the 1st time I broke my boozing vow during World Cup festival, for a fellow brother sake. That brother was heartbroken due to getting (pseudo) dump by his gal. Back then I ponder why the heck is he so wussing about on getting dump by a single gal. Dump mah dump la, so many fish in the ocean... I return to my vow to be sober since.

Only recently did I broke my vow. Not once, but thrice. 1st was about 1 1/2 months ago when I booze alone as MFR was away in Africa. 2nd was with MFR and Suke. Third was yesterday night. It's pathetic really, that I need to rely on inflicting such pain to numb another pain. Anyway, here I stand (or rather sit) with a clear mind and resolve... to never booze again for such silly thing...

As for the cause itself, I decided to let what ever happen, happen. I'm after all a believer of fatalism. We are all fate's puppet (or b*tch)...

There's a saying:

"Our lives are 99% fate, while the remaining 1% is based on our actions."

Hence knowing that fact, do we surrender totally to fate or do we try our best in everything we do, cause we never know when will it be that 1% when what we do will affect our live."
Monday, December 6, 2010 0 b*tchin

Bottomless pit

Dear bloggie,

It's quite funny actually, how I fail to see this coming... I'm still at lost on what I did wrong to screw up a simple request for msn. No excuses this time, just no response... Won't be seeing each other for 1 week, I dunno how I can proceed this time...
Sunday, December 5, 2010 0 b*tchin

A picture of me...

Dear bloggie,

I'm never a photo kind of person. Like the gambling king, no like my pix taken one. Why? Coz every time take picture with my face, the photo will look like a scene from a comedy sketch one...


[Pix tribute from Rukawa]

But I really like tis photo of me. Why? Very very me... Reflects who I am quite nicely, ie: Introvert, Loner, Lonely, Goalless, Slacker, Like to look blankly into the empty & wide blue skies type of person...
Saturday, December 4, 2010 2 b*tchin

Japanese Star Trek

Dear bloggie,

"JMovie: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Space Battleship Yamato. It's an otaku mission: to explore strange live actions, to seek out new crazy japanese ideas and new money making movies, to boldly go where no man japanese has gone before."

Friday, December 3, 2010 0 b*tchin

Romantic?

Dear bloggie,

Some would tag this as romantic while other sohai...

Marriage Proposal on Penang Marathon 2010

Being a runner myself, I have to say I think it's a creative + romantic marriage proposal. I say this, coz I have yet to hear anyone pulling tis stunt before and the couple share a common interest/passion, hence wat could be more romantic than proposing at this common ground?

What kind of proposal would u envision urself doing? A shotgun proposal? A exotic proposal? A unexpected proposal? A planned proposal? Different people have different ideas on how they wan to do tis...
0 b*tchin

Me Tarzan

Dear bloggie,

Today is probably the less depressed (okok more exact, most "happy") I feel for quite sometime. Maybe it's all in my imagination and my mind...

I dunno how far tis Tarzan can go also, and not sure if I'm better of walking away or risk another rejection... Anyway, with MFR tips, I manage to do a PB (Personal Best) intel gathering. At the midst of the moment, almost Tarzan again... But managed to recall where my 1st gungho attempt lead to so I restrain myself to take things slowly and easy.

Monday, plan to do bolder move, try get msn. Hopefully Tarzan successful...
Tuesday, November 30, 2010 0 b*tchin

Just dissapear...

Dear bloggie,

Saturday, November 27, 2010 1 b*tchin

Retirement Run

Dear bloggie,

My leg is out of commission, chest sore, my core is aching, my body fatigue, my hair balding & my heart numb...

Tat about sum my retirement run experience... aka Emkay Green Fun Run 2010.

Around 300-400 people appear for this fun run. No one single familiar face though. I was hesistant to run tis run as I actually should get at least 13 days rest off running before running again after my climatic 1/2 marathon. But heck, when I heard there was a run at Cyberjaya and I saw the route, I knew, I had to run.

The race started around 7.45am, which is rather late for a run. And I regretted immediately during the race to not have brought my cap, as the morning sun was already scorching hot. Around 2-3K of the race, it seems my leg has not fully recovered and experience a stinging pain on my tibia anterior. My stamina also seem weak, maybe due to running at a much faster pace.

The route was a mixed bag one, some part up and down while some straight stretches. I managed to cover 5K in under 30 minutes, but my leg and stamina was really depleted at that point. But having experience the rainfall run in Penang, I somehow manage to continue on mental strength. I finally reach the part of the route that make me run this race. The route which pass by my office building. Yea, an odd reason to race, but u know me. Odd ball = Odd reason.

It was a rather odd feeling, running past my office on the route to the bus station which I often would walk by for lunch. Mostly I ran as a lonely runner as the front and back runners from me were separated by quite a distance.

You can imagine how glad I was when I saw the Neo Cyberjaya shop lots from a distance. I try to push my body to go faster at that point for a strong finish, but it seems I was running at emergency energy de. I run into the shop lots and into the final route to the finish line. And I managed to finish the race at a time of 51 minutes 11 seconds + 1-2 minutes (Forgot to start the clock timer when I started). Hence my time is around 53 minutes mark, which makes me think the actually distance for this race isn't 10K, but around 8K onli. Anyway, upon finishing the race I was actually given a prize... A cert my my trophy, a small tree... -_-'

Somehow I feel unsatisfied with this run. Can't run at full capacity, and didn't get the adrenaline & endorphin rush I was seeking for. Hence here I am, sitting infront of this laptop, worn out and depressed... Wat a sh*tty retirement run...
Friday, November 26, 2010 0 b*tchin

Emo

Dear bloggie,

Tis another emo post... Skip now if u dun wanna to subject urself to my self emo rants.

They say, if u can survive a marathon... u can survive anything else in life. I survive a 1/2 marathon last Sunday. My physical and mental limit was push to the limit but I endured and truimph over it. I was on top of the world for the next few days...

But it only took 2 days for me to crash and burn... It's really hard for me to manage my emotions, as I find it hard to just declare "Game Over" on her. I just want to return back to the times before I pulled the crazy stunt where I can communicate with her.

~If only, I could turn back time...
Thursday, November 25, 2010 0 b*tchin

The moment that challenges me the most...

Dear bloggie,

Imagine...

Urself gasping for breath,
U feel a tingling cramping sensation on ur left shoulder,
U are surrounded by the darkness of the early morning only guided by the dimly lit street lights,
Ur vision is a constant blur due to the fogs & water in ur glasses,
It takes ur complete effort to take a just step for each step sends shockwaves to the ball of ur aching feet,
Ur are drenched wet from head to toe, inside and outside,
U feel like ur weight + a ton due to the resistance of the wind, heavy rainfall and water soaked into ur clothes,
U are exposed with no protection what so ever to the bombarding of heavy raindrop from the heaven skies,
U know u had barely finished 1/2 way through...
Ur spirit starts to dampen, ur willpower starts to erode, and doubt starts to haunt ur mind....

U start to ponder....
"WTF am I doing here? I should be in my bed with a thick blanket and sock on my cold feet"

This is how I felt during about 13K mark in my 1/2 marathon run last Sunday. For ur information, it started to rain when I reached the 10K mark and by 11-12K+, it started to rain heavy. When I say heavy here, I mean really heavy. The rainfall where if u sit in ur car, u can heard loud sounds of raindrops bombarding the roof of ur car. Imagine urself outside ur car dressed in just a vest, a short sport pants, socks and shoes. To be honest, tis is the first time since I started running in these events, I thought about quitting a race. Each step at that moment were like the hardest steps I ever took in my life.

Some of u are probably lost, so let me start tis rather tall tale (for me la) from the start...

I was awoken from my sleepless slumber by the sound of beeping alarm. My body automatically arose and I see my room mate, Daniel also arose from his slumber. He exclaim "It's 2.30am de". My mind was still 1/2 asleep but those words were enuff to send it into a frantic panic mode. OMG!!! We had overslept!!! Daniel and I quicky got ourself dress into our war gears and rush outta the room. Our poor hostess (Sori, dunno spelling for her name) was sitting 1/2 asleep at the dinning table. I felt a slight pangs of guilt back then, but that guilt was replaced quickly by the panic to get to where we are supposed to be right now. Our hostess drove us to our destination, in the car all sorts of thought of arriving late played on my mind. Enduring a journey more than 300K+, arriving 1 day earlier, sacrificing 1 day of vacation... only to be late...!?

Anyway, more panic ensues as we almost arrive at our destination, there was a road block. It seem this is as far as our hostess could drive us. Daniel and I had to make the rest of the journey to our destination on foot. We started of walking, there were also a few others like us that was heading to the same destination walked the same road. The road seem to stretch forever, as when we heard the loud sound of countdown, Daniel and I started to shift a gear up and started jogging. I was undecided at that point to shift another gear up or remain the stable jogging pace as I fear going to fast now would cost me dearly later. We remained at rather slow jogging pace. I sighed a silent sigh of relief when we finally arrive at our destination and there were still many people dressed in bright yellow vest walking around. We weren't late. We stop jogging and started walked (nice warm up I have to admit) among those of our same brethren, that just like us are heading to the same destination. We were JIT (Just In Time)...

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4,

I feel the adrenaline +1
3...

My heart pumping faster
2...

This is it
1!!!

It's finally has began... Like bees being provoked from something threatening their hives, huges waves of peoples in yellow vests swarm pass the destination to embark on their own fight and journey for their holy grail...

Daniel and I kicked off with an easy walk as it was hard to jog or run in this swarm of peoples. After 3-4 minutes of walking, we finally reached our destination, the end of our early morning little adventure... Yet, as I step my foot onto and crossed the destination, a journey has ended but a new one has just began... The destination has became the start point for this new journey, and at the same time it is also the final destination of this journey (Very ironic, noes?)... Looking forward to the route in front of me, I feel the excitement, electricity & [insert watever positive energy u can think of here] of being at this event. I was running in the Penang 1/2 Marathon 2010...

(Incase if ur wondering, our destination was the starting line for the Penang Marathon 2010...)

[To be continued...]
Tuesday, November 23, 2010 0 b*tchin

The HIGH is over

Dear bloggie,

It been 2 days since my HIGH run... The adrenaline and endorphin rush has returned to it's normal level... And I feel as if I'm seeing the world in slow motion. Everything seem to move like so f*ckin slow pace... It feels like wat a f*ckin boring and insignificant life I been living normally compared to the fiery "wet" weekend. My body is still in Repair mode, but my mind and spirit is craving for more of this "High" moments... At times like this it's hard not to ponder upon my choice of job I do to earn my bread & butter...
Monday, November 22, 2010 0 b*tchin

PBIM Short Update

Dear bloggie,

Just a short update since my adrenaline is still quite high despite almost 2 days after the "Longest" run in my entire running career life...

Yea, I survived & endured the elements of mother nature...

Earth = 21K,
Fire = Body overheating due to metabolism on the overdrive,
Wind = Strong gust slowing me down to a crawl,
Water = Heavy rainfall that's strong enough to make one kowtow to the sky on their knees,
Heart = The dynamic human spirit struggle to go on despite the scream from one's body to stop...

Together we call, "Captain Planet"...

And my timing...

Official Time (Time from start whistle) : 02:29:57
Net Time (Time from I cross start line) : 02:25:08

// Will post my rants on PBIM tomolo
Wednesday, November 17, 2010 0 b*tchin

Marathon War Cry

Dear bloggie,

Ok, maybe these ain't war cry, more like motivational quotes...

"Sometimes the moment that challenges us the most, defines us."

"You go through that mental struggle, and physical struggle. And you say geezzz... This is really, really, really hard."

"The marathon is like life. You gonna hit hiccups and rough period but it's about you handle them and come through them."

"When you cross the finish line, no matter how slow, no matter how fast, it will change your life forever."

"It's a physical challenge for sure, but it's also a mental challenge. It's fighting through those walls that you don't think you can fight through. That's what the marathon teaches, it teaches you to keep going."

"People run the marathon to prove that there is still triumph and there still is possibility in their life."

"We triumph over adversity that's what the marathon is all about. And therefore we know that there not anything in life we can't triumph after that."

"You think there some many other things in your life that you look at and they look like things that 'I can't do that, there no way I can do it' and all of a sudden, you realize what you are able to do."

Really pumped up for the 1/2 marathon... Trying my best to resist the urge to run now as I'm already in my tapering period...
Tuesday, November 16, 2010 0 b*tchin

Just Lame...

Hello bloggie, my old friend,
I've come to b*tch to you again,
Because a depression softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the depression that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence...

Dear bloggie,

After almost 2 weeks hiatus, I'm back again. Very very hard to not blog as it seems tis sh*thole is the only real place I can vent out my emotions deep inside of me.

Suffice to say, tis 2 week been quite a up and down roller-coaster ride for me (mostly down).

Work wise, I completed my work in time but since my work is quite trivial one. I have to say I learn a lot of things this 2 sprints, JAXB, SOAP, Mock Object, Timer Task, Log4J (Still learning tis)... But I still feel like useless crap seeing how lacking my skill is compared to my other college, even the newest member to my team has Spring knowledge to boost, while I practically have nothing special to flaunt. And while I enjoy slacking after completing my task, I do find slacking while my other team members slog like sh*t can demoralized one's spirit. Call it peer influence/pressure...

Also, in a desperate attempt to try to fix my balding spot, I enrolled for Yun Nam Hair Care. They say my bald spot problem is caused my extremely bad dandruff problem and claim they can fix it for 3 months of treatment at the price of RM5K. I stupidly enrolled for it... Only to learn via the internet, there is ALOT of complaints on Yun Nam treatments. And on my 1st day of treatment, they make a u-turn claim and stated I need extra treatment too fix another cause of my hair loss which would require another additional 1.4K. Since I was already alarmed by their approach, I say NO THANKS, and contacted someone from NCCC on my Consumer Right for a f*ckin refund, as I seriously now doubt their treatment creditability. According to NCCC, I have a right to demand a refund on treatment and products that I have yet to take from them. Better be bald then be bald and poorer by 5K.

As for running... Yea, will be running the Penang 1/2 Marathon. Enrolled last second last month. Managed to train 2 weeks for this run (Badly disrupted by recently rainfall), I seriously have big ??? on my ability to survive this 20K. I'm quite confident of finish a 15K, but the extra 5K... I really dunno will my gut and will power be sufficient to pull me through it. Will be heading to Penang tis Saturday with Rukawa and his co. Looking desperately for a place to get a special haircut for this run (Anyone know where can get side cut with pattern one?). But my heart is a bit weighted down by another matter....

Last, my greatest joy and sorrow. My heart is still bleeding from the rejection. As MFR said, "first gal u try to really impress n kena reject". She seem to forget my stupid stunt already, but I somehow still doing really REALLY stupid things... My mind say let go, but my heart just refuses to let go... *Sigh*, no wonder Buddhism claim this kinda love is the path of suffering la... I'm trying my best to just convey my feelings to her unconditionally, with no expectation. That was my belief before this occurred and I will try my best to hold on to it. But somehow I think my ego taken a huge hit because of this, as one of my ex-college claims that nerd gals like tis are quite easy to fish one, 2-3 tries catch... Easy catch also I can't catch... Really demoralizing...
Tuesday, November 2, 2010 0 b*tchin

Last

Dear bloggie,

Been thinking, wondering, pondering...

After some while, I came to this conclusion...

I'm always last in life,
So this might as well be the last also,
Been a nutty bumpy roller-coaster ride,
But before I go senile enough to purge u,

Bayonara dear bloggie...
Sunday, October 31, 2010 0 b*tchin

Sux 4 It

Dear bloggie,

Yea, my bad patch streak continues... Screw up tis run, only managed a 1 hour 12 min 40 sec. SUX!!!!

A 2 minutes 40 sec slower than my last run and 40 seconds off my target time. The last 3.5K was the most hardest I ran for quite some time. Have a lot of work to do in this 2 weeks if I intend to run the 20K Penang Marathon...

Decided to cut down my bodybuilding for this 3 weeks and focus instead on running. I think I abit too late also de, but better late then never.

This year, very lonely Run 4 It. No see any familiar faces except a Yoga+Pilates regular. Guess everyone too busy frying BIGGER FISH in life to even bother joining events like tis. Onli a loser like me that got nothing to do + no fish to fry onli join this kinda events.

Anyway prove of me finishing tis run...

Saturday, October 30, 2010 0 b*tchin

Gonna run 4 it

Dear bloggie,

My Run4It Shirt and pose...



I can't believe tis "L" (Asian Man) size tshirt, neckline so DAMN kecil! Have to squeeze my head through... Siao

XL neckline seems better but the side too baggy. And they decided to change the red stripes on the side to green. Abit less flashy feel de...

I excluded my head because I going to experiment a more aggressive hairstyle since most gals tend to look at me and see a loser botak...
Friday, October 29, 2010 0 b*tchin

Almost had a Sode

Dear bloggie,

As my entry title said,

Almost had a sode, short for episode. Was blasting my traps with a upper back row machine. Completed my 10 reps and was resting. Catching my breath, when suddenly I just felt like an alarm went off in my body. Then the next breath I take, my head went dizzy and light headed. I try to keep composure and dragged myself to the couch. I rested on the couch, my body was cold and sense of balance was haywire.

I sat there for a good 10 minutes, trying to figure out wtf is going on with me.

Eaten - Check
Over train - Had a rather hard session the day before
Heatstroke - Highly possible, walked in the hot sun for 10+ minutes today
Fatigue - Maybe
Overwork (at work) - Slack whole day yesterday
Low sugar in blood - No idea
Heartbroken - Yes
Stress - Maybe
Blew a blood vessel driving home - Highly possible

After the breather, I went to the toilet bowl and sat there for another 5 minutes, while leaning my head on the side wall. I felt drained, like no energy at all for that period of time. After my short rest in the toilet seat, my body just went back normal but a slight drop in energy. Manage to still endure a balance class.

This is the 2nd time in my life, I felt such thing. Another was way way back when I was like 10-11 years old when I really just drop like a fly in school. Same symptoms, breath for air, head giddy and body just went karput but mind was still awake. A bit alarmed with my run this weekend and another BIGGER run in 3 weeks time. Hope it's just over exhaustion or maybe dehydration.

So here I was, sitting here with a broken body. Neck pain (Sitting posture in office I suspect), sore chest and triceps, right knee discomfort (Screw up during leg press, lesson: never let emotions dictate ur workout) & the ball of my feet a bit sore (run hill or shoe problem?). When a old college mate msned me. A boss of his own business now. I dunno how many times I heard such thing already. Being someone that auto cast "reflect", I just can't help wondering la... Why I just didn't kick the damn bucket back then. I'm not ungrateful or etc on having a extension on my life but what is the purpose? Is there a bloody purpose? Or izt I the bloody idiot that's doing nothing outta my life sitting for the sun and moon to fall into my lap?
Thursday, October 28, 2010 0 b*tchin

Penang here I run...

Dear bloggie,

After some hesitation, I decided to enroll for this year's Penang Marathon. Will be running my first 20K. So many things not yet confirmed, like transportation, hotel, etc... Yet I decided I REALLY wanted to do it this year. I probably will coupled tis run with a visit Penang holiday break, I got atleast 7-8 days leave accumulated already.

Have a good 2+ weeks to up my stamina. Dunno can manage 20K ar not... Yet one of my 2010 resolution is to run a 20K, so here I go...
Monday, October 25, 2010 0 b*tchin

Monk

Dear bloggie,

Suffice to say... Things happen for a reason. Something bad to force something good...

No longer am I a monk because it was forced upon me. I am one, because I choose to be one...
0 b*tchin

---

Dear bloggie,

Repost...



Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell

Bows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
Clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
And you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love
Really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

Oh but now old friends they're acting strange
And they shake their heads
And they tell me that I've changed
Well something's lost but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life
I really don't know life at all
Sunday, October 24, 2010 0 b*tchin

Where do I go from here

Dear bloggie,

Having taken a fall from a 100 storey building, now the question that begs to be ask... where do I go from here...

Some advice from my monks, I should try at least another time since she might be really busy that day. Sources from the Internet meanwhile suggest I salvage whatever leftover of my pride and find another gal, as typically if a gal is interested, she will put try to reschedule or put phrases like "Maybe next time...". I had none of the above, so it highly likely she's just being nice and giving a excuse to stamp a big REJECT word on my head.

It seems I made a mistake when request the date as some online source advice that we should provide some measure of alternatives when asking a girl out. Sorta like maybe, "Let's go eat Wed or Thur". Hence the odds of her being busy both days are less, so if she still says no and shoot excuses, you know she is actually saying "Not Interested".

Personally I dunno what I should do. Try again and risk not only crushing what ever remaining pride I have left, risk making the current awkward communication more awkward, portray myself as a desperado (Maybe I am), hurt my ego again... Or just let it cool down, and let time slowly make this thing forgotten. I thought only in TVB series, such relationship thing is complicated, never knew in real life also so complicated.

Why can't both side just be honest. Not interested, say not interested... Why give excuse to "soften" the blow? If give excuses, typically the batang that desperate (like me) would cling into what ever hope they can think/imagine/fabricate. So need go round 2 to confirm. Then comes the 2nd rejection...
Saturday, October 23, 2010 0 b*tchin

Hurts

Dear bloggie,

I always thought all those guys whom b*tch, groan n even cry, for getting rejected by a gal where merely wuss. I mean common, so many gals out there, just one gal say no, and like "life is sux", "Why why why?", etc

Today, I realized... I'm a wuss too. A tingling sensation at the corner of my heart (Yes, I do have one), small but deep and sharp, like a thorn in my flesh, like a painful toothache that won't go away. I never knew I was capable of experiencing such emotions being an apathetic person and etc. And it got really, really got worst when I saw her the next next day. I tried to be myself, but I dunno izt just me or her, it's really awkward. Really awkward, it feels as both people are merely pretending.

The question surfaces on my mine, is she trying to avoid me to drive her sign, NOT INTERESTED or am I imagining thing due to my wussy state of mind. I feel cold, I feel destructive, I feel even anger at myself, I feel self pity for myself... Why was I rejected? How could I forgot my own f*ckin reflection in the mirror? Why did I open my big mouth? Why am I so lame? Why am I a big retarded zero?

And then I wished I could hit the reset button and start 1 day all over again. Play it differently. Then I realized, there is no reset, no let's forget tis whole lame stunt I pulled and be normal frens.

I'd screwed it up... Like every other thing in life...

#Update, I couldn't even imagine what is going through the minds of those that got rejected in more advance stage as my stage at Level 0 already hurt like crap.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010 0 b*tchin

Bad day

Dear bloggie,

I somehow knew when I woke up today too early this morning, I had a vibes karma was coming for a payback... Indeed, one of the worst days for quite some while.

Woke up at 4am, only to fall asleep again at 5am and awoken at 8.00am. Endured a stressful drive to office, was 30 minutes late again and wat frightens me is the fact, no jam. Only too much retarded drivers driving in the roads now days.

Anyway, upon reaching office, and just a couple of minutes after sitting down, my team lead arrive. Then as I just upon my Netbeans editor, he approached me and asked me the status of yesterday's meeting (Actually is more of a demo then meeting). I told him, the team didn't really demo the part I required so I will seek them out in person to get the information I need. In case u wondering wat I doing... My part is to make a connection to a webservice created by this other team. I tested my components using a test webservice this team provided but my team leader is still worried, till I can actually make a real full cycle with the real webservice. Problem is, the they haven't pass the real webservice part to me. So I spend the next 1/2 hour clarifying somethings on the webservice thingy with a guy from the other team. Just as I almost finish asking all the required information, the guy went of for meeting. So I could only make changes for the part he provided information with. I have to say 80% done except for format of the XML, which I need him to clarify. Then I need the real working webservice to test it out.

My day continue to pummel to the earth when I went alone for lunch to Old Town only to find it fulled. *Sigh* Since I don't wanna eat mamak anymore, I dragged myself under the hot sun to the Petronas and buy a bottle of milk for my lunch. Sad...

Dunno why, my day so bad de I still insane enuff to take a risky move to ask a gal for dinner after work. I asked her if she wanna go grab something after work. The gal tried to laugh my advance off by making a joke, but this KCKL nutcase reveals all of his cards on the table. Was therefore rewarded for my non-KCKL... Rejected on the spot... Kena got appointment with fren excuse...

*Sigh* First ever rejection... I wondering wtf was I was smoking at that moment. Pulling such a bold move like tat, so un-bakauish.... I dunno how tis will impact our current workship, but I hope still can communicate as before I done this stupid move (Already reach talk cock stage). Sorta regret it now, maybe better not knowing... At least I can pseudo-think got chance. Ignorance is bliss....

To unwind after this f*cked up day, I decided to go booze. Since MFR is in Africa eating raw black meat, and besides even if I asked him to booze, this so called best buddy of mine wil not 100% sure come teman me one. So I booze alone at Sunway Piramid. Alone being the keyword here... Almost 1+ years since I last booze here. Ordered my favourite Lemon Drop shooter. Took about 3-4 minutes for me to sip it finish, 15-20 more minutes before the effect to kick in. Was walking around the mall in 1/2 drunken mode. Took of my glasses, the whole world seem like a f*ckin blur whirlpool. Decided to try something new. 1/2 drunken, went to shoot some arrows... LOL... 12 arrows, 1 bull eyes shot...

I dunno wat I was feeling anymore. Rejection? Depression? Surrenderism? Monkism? It doesn't really matter anymore... In the middle of the nerve wrecking headache, everything and nothing matters... Lasted a good 30 minutes before the effect wore off. I walked abit longer more to make sure the effect are really over and drove home. Not wiser, not better, not happier, not nothing... only poorer by RM30+ and perhaps bummed on being rejected...
Monday, October 18, 2010 0 b*tchin

Hard to be myself

Dear bloggie,

It been mostly a very +vef day for me. Woke up late but still somehow managed to come to work "ONLY" 30 minutes late. This sprint module almost finish (super c00l, get to play with code generation where can generate java classes for webservice from the wsdl), can hopefully take a 1 sprint slacking rest... Eat at the grilled fish stall near the bus station today, I have to say best Malay food I eaten so far in Cyberlauya. Taste pretty good and f*ckin cheap some more (RM 3 per piece of fish), only cleanliness a bit suspicious. Overall a great day, except for...

"I park at the far away parking area, so I can exercise walk to khan fei mah (Reduce fat)...".

So hard meh, to pull of this cheapo lame@$$ joke? I pulled of F*CKIN bigger lame@$$ jokes than this a kazillion times la...

Yet, the harsh reality is I pulled most of them in indirect communication (msn, fb, icq, etc) with exception of MFR. I dun understand why really my brains just freezes when it comes down to face to face communication. Most of the time, I would just end up being like a sohai that seem blur f*ck. Worst, is sometimes my brain just grabs watever words that comes into thought and fired it away from my mouth, without even considering the consequence of those words.

Why izt so hard to merely be myself? I mean, I can be my f*ckard self in front of the monks, so why can't I be a d*ckhead in front of others? Shessh... Maybe I have tarzan too long as MFR said.

But DOGDAMMIT! Damn lame@$$ way to waste such a good "chance".... And parking topic!? Wtf was I smoking...
Saturday, October 16, 2010 0 b*tchin

Eating knowledge...

Dear bloggie,

If u told me a year ago to eat healthy, I would probably give u the finger and say "Are u crazy!?"... However, fast forward to now, in my never ending quest to gain more muscle and reduce fat at the same time... I have began to embraced that I need to eat healthy.

I have experimented with quite a number of food combos over the past few months, especially since I no longer able to cook from the comfort of my home anymore for my 2-3 afternoon meals.

Being an oddball and etc, forced me to eat alone for lunch for most of the time. Hence a favorite lunch meal I favor is Old Town. Now before u label me "Nutcase" thinking I think Old Town = Healthy, let me tell ur first what I eat there. 2 Omega 1/2 boil egg and a 2 pieces of kaya toast.

Cost: RM5,
Protein: Estimate (2 x 6g) + (1 x 4g) = 16g
Fat: Estimate (2 x 5g) + (2 x 1.6g) = 13g

I recently have also started to vary my lunch by including KFC into the mix. Jom Jimat Set A, which cost RM 6.20 (+tax) for a piece of chicken, rice, a coleslaw and a drink.

Cost: RM6.20
Protein: Estimate 25 + 5 + 1 = 31g
Fat: Estimate 8 + 4 + 14 = 26g
*Assuming u eat OR chicken breast, and bet u dunno the 14g from fat actually come from the coleslaw. Also u can 1/2 the fat from the chicken by not eating the skin.

A lot of protein but a lot of fat also this combo. Not very healthy.

I'm also guilty of this particular sin. I regretted it after seeing the nutritional fact. McDonald's McValue Meal, Spicy Chicken Deluxe

Cost: RM7.50+
Protein: 17.7 + 4.1 = 21g
Fat: 27.7 + 16.1 (Fries Medium) = 43g

My eyes nearly popped out when I did the maths based on the values from McDonalds website here. 43g fat!! That like the sum of 3-4 meals fat I would normally consumed. I already declared self imposed ban on McDonalds.

So my next experiment? I planning on include canned bean into my diet. A normal yeos canned bean contains:

Cost: RM2.50+
Protein: 12g
Fat: 3g

Super low fat, but protein a bit low. But one thing good about beans is it's high in fiber. Means u will feel full even if u eat a a bit.

Besides this, I also planned to include fish into my diet. Today I demolish a Portuguese Grilled Sting Ray at Midvalley Food Court. I thought I eaten a really huge fat bomb as the meal was so delicious. But having R&D the net on stingray, the supposed nutritional fact:

Cost: RM 6.50
Protein: 39g
Fat: 9g
* Taken from here

I not so sure bout 39g of protein, as that is abit TOO HIGH. And the fat from what I read, seems to be the good type of fat. So really, this meal easily beats anything KFC + McDonald can dish up. But problem is, can I find grilled fish in Cyberlauya?

I not so sure about my new desire to be more of a nutritional nazi, but I'm grateful for my thirst of knowledge for healthy food. Else I would still be dumbly eating KFC coleslaw thinking it's vege hence good for me (It's the mayo, tat's y it DAMN fattening).

They say you are who you think you are. Me think, physically la, you are what u eat. So, till my next hunt for the healthy meals... Take care of what u shove into ur mouths...

#Note: I found out that there is a nice and cheap grilled fish stall at Cyberlauya near at the food court at the bus station there. Will go try out tis monday... Can read more about it here
0 b*tchin

Copy cat

Dear bloggie,

LOL, Kamen Rider OOO is so gonna be sued by both Naruto & Super Mario Bro...



Kamen Rider OOO's Gatakiriba Form pulling a Kage Bunshin...
Friday, October 15, 2010 0 b*tchin

Measuring a stick with a ruler

Dear bloggie,

Meet with a old classmate yesterday nite. Yea, seems he is doing very well... maybe a bit too workaholic, yet again which successful people isn't? So, wat I wanna b*cth about this meeting? Well, whats strikes me is the difference between both of us. Well, he was all suited up from work, high "pro" clothes and etc while I was wearing my "smart-casual" wear from work + gym, so for a moment it feels like "an expensive french steak and roaside char kuey teow". The gap of achievement among me and my more "successful" friends feels as it's growing wider by each meeting. Guess we will only get in return how much we put in, for a slacker that put in nothing like me, guess this is always where I will be drifting.

One other note, MFR has left for his GREAT HUGA-HUGA HUGE WILD AFRICA adventure for "diamonds". Hope he "fren" enuff to get a souvenir for his "best fren" from Africa.

Also, will be having a surgery tis saturday. Remove my wisdom tooth. Sux.

Last of all, in a desperate attempt to achieve one of my 2010 resolutions (ie: land a date), I have been trying to "kau" a lui. Not much luck though with my almost non-existence communication skills and "KCKL" word on my back. I been sending smoke fire signals across to the other party like perverted smile, staring at her "assets", stalking her fb, hamsap eye gaze, etc but the signal I receive so far seems mixed. Since I failed in theory of Women 101, I have to rely on my acute wildman instinct. And my "women-sense" is telling me the other party is not interested and only send some response for courtesy sake. Aii... Why can't this "kau lui" thing be more simple like:

"I don't exactly know what I am required to say in order for you to have intercourse with me. But could we assume that I said all that. I mean essentially we are talking about fluid exchange right? So could we go just straight to the sex. - Nash, Beautiful Mind"
Tuesday, October 12, 2010 0 b*tchin

Toothache

Dear bloggie,

They say pain is the only real thing that makes know your alive. I feel damn alive right now as I'm having toothache at my last most back teeth... F*CK! Not to mention my throat seem to be injured somehow...

I FEEL F*CKIN PAIN!! I FEEL F*CKIN ALIVE!!

LOL, anyway my short holiday is over, *Sigh*... Been slacking pair programming on these 2-3 days on this short RnD sprint. Practically watch my 2 collegues explore another dept team coding to do a particular something. I always wanted to say tis "OMG! I finally seen a Java Serialize Object!" Like usual, I understand the code, but not the domain logic of doing the thingy. Sux...

One other note, my spending skyrocket quite badly this month... So many things broke down. Maybe sign, I'm next to break down too. My "Protein Powder Supply has exhausted", hence I need fork out a hefty RM226 (price rise, >_<) for a resupply. Got myself French Vanilla Creme flavor and get freebies, a ON (Optimum Nutrition) shaker. My trusty 2-3 years old Nike shoes also broken down, the sole piece of my shoe just feel out... Imagine me in my office with a shoe on one side with a sole, a rather funny sight I tell u. But lucky I lone ranger, no one notice one... I dunno if I should be happy or sad on this though... Ok, so I forked up more $$$ for another new pair a jogging shoes, this time around I decided to go for a New Balance one. Got myself these:



Seem like a entry level shoes... Already damaged my wallet by RM200... All the nice ones are worth atleast RM280+. Being the cincai person, I actually bought myself em a size too smaller. Since I wore them like just once for a hour only, I decided to try to exchange them for a size bigger. Lucky they allow it, they bought me a size bigger to try first. But they bought the wrong model, a almost same design one but the color mix was white + red + black and the black laces, Wow! If there is such thing as "shoe love" in my monkepedia, I feel in love with this model. But u know me, always the KCKL guy... Didn't consider asking if I can fork out extra $$$ to exchanging my current cheap pair for those (Just crossed my mind when I balik home de). Anyway, my current new shoe seem to have less cushioning on the feet compared to my Nikey one. I test run it once already, hill running... Seems no pain in feet for now. But still need some time to break this shoe...

Also bought myself new extra plates to workout. Extra 5kg x 2 worth RM 98 from Fitness Concept. I wanted to buy em already for a couple of months, ok for alot of months ago but keep NATOing. I finally bought them when I was f*ckin depressed the other day, and wanted to booze the other day. It was a really tough, fighting the urge to booze but I somehow managed to do that by diverting my focus to buying these plates... Quite pathetic noes...

Ugh, I hate visits to the dentist. Think gonna end up with ALOT of pain. But the toothache seem to be increasing. Better go today. T_T

2010 is coming to a end soon, left 2-3 months on the calendar. The cycle of depression is typically most peak at the end of the year (for losers), when one's is forced to look back on what they done in a year time. I embracing myself for another downhill.
Sunday, October 10, 2010 0 b*tchin

A hundred thousand angels...

Dear bloggie,

A very calming, blissful & rather haunting song I heard on the radio that the lyrics just suddenly popped up into my mind awhile ago...



A Hundred Thousand Angels

Do you
Hear me calling you
The voice of a mother, a father and a child
Would you recognize the truth
Do you feel a love that's falling from my eyes

Take just a minute
Come and rest you by my side
Let me tell you your own story
Let me walk you through your lives
Only a second
That's all it takes to realize
There's a hundred thousand angels
By your side

Do you
Hear me talk to you
I whisper through the doorways
And pathways of your mind
Clear like the morning dew
And fresh from my journey
Cross an ocean of blue

Take just a minute
Come and rest you by my side
Let me tell you your own story
Let me walk you through your lives
Only a second
That's all it takes to realize

There's a hundred thousand angels by your side
There's a hundred thousand angels by your side
Saturday, October 9, 2010 0 b*tchin

In the past, I dreamt of the future...

Dear bloggie,

I dunno how/when/why but somehow I feel like I had a dream once a LONG LONG time ago about myself working at my current company. I dunno how to explain it, but it's really bizarre. I can't actually remember the dream, but I just know it was a dream of me working of my current company.

I'm not sure if it's a mind trick, memory malfunction, etc...
0 b*tchin

Alone

Dear bloggie,





Alone - Heart

I hear the tickin' of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?

You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone

Ohh
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?

How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?
Alone, alone
Wednesday, October 6, 2010 0 b*tchin

Squating...

Dear bloggie,

The Hindu Squat...



I tried tis exercise last Monday for around 60 reps... My quads are still hurting till today. One thing I have to point out, for this squat, the knee goes beyond the toes, a common NO-NO in squats as it will mess up one's knee. So I don't really recommend anyone with knee problem to do this exercise. Unfortunately, I don't have a degree or anything in fitness nor human atanomy, so I can't really say if this is a good or bad exercise or not... But I think, most exercises comes with a risk... It's only a matter is the risk justified or not, and how much is one willing to take that risk.

Anyway, I'll try asking my pilates instructor on the Hindu Squat to get more insights on the knee thingy tis Friday.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010 0 b*tchin

The Riddle

Dear bloggie,

Suffice to say I was about to do something self destructive when I heard this... Sorta calm my nerves back down. I guess I can just be myself and let anything that will happen good or bad, happen...



The Riddle - Five for fighting

There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him

Wait, what's the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me

He said,

Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see... You will see

Then he said,

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

Picked up my kid from school today

Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said,

Dad I'm big but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me

And Hey Dad
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

I said,

Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world...
Who am I?

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see

He said... You looking for a clue I Love You free...

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is high over me
Something comes over me

I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
Monday, October 4, 2010 0 b*tchin

My lunch with a Pussy

Dear bloggie,

I sat alone today at a empty table... Having droven to this random mamak stall which is located several km from my office. I just feel depressed, really depressed... Not really sure of the reason, maybe I'm sick of it all or maybe I just plain sick of myself. I dunno...

So here I was, chewing on tis piece of chicken, when a cat came under my chair. I ignore it. But it just sat on my left. I look at it. It was staring right at me. My mind starts to create this illusion it was talking to me via telepathy.

"I'm hungry, throw me some food will ya." I tried to ignore it, but when I look back at it, it was still staring at me. I threw it a small piece of my chicken. It chew on it, and I resume my lonely lunch. A few more bites of my lunch, I look at the pussy cat. It was again staring at me, probably hoping I would feed it again. I look at my table which I occupy alone. I threw it another small piece of meat. So this would repeat itself a couple of times. Till I finally ran out of meat. I caress the pussy's head, feeling it's comfy fur and with a decided to "Shoo" it. It just sat there ignoring my "Shoo" still looking a me with those eyes, hoping I would throw it something to eat. But my plate was empty, only left with some fattening chicken skin. I thought of feeding the skin to it, but decided against it. So I went on to sip my coffee.

A couple of minutes passed, and the pussy was still staring at me. I ignored it, and when my coffee cup was almost 3/4 empty, the cat caught on I wasn't going to feed it anymore, so it walked away. I felt a strange moment of loneliness perhaps... I was alone at the table again. I pondered upon the rather strange lunch I had with the cat, and I felt as if I just finished a transaction with a hooker. With a hooker, one pays cash for company. With this pussy, I paid some piece of chicken for it's company. I know, it's such a f*cked up thought.... but that's what was going through my mind at that moment.

I'd stared back blankly at my coffee cup and continue sipping my coffee, realizing the reality I have to re confront again... I'm not sure if I can endure this anymore, not sure if there is any reason for me to continue...
Sunday, October 3, 2010 0 b*tchin

Little wonders

Dear bloggie,

Our lives are made,
In these small hours,
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate,
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours,
Still remain...

0 b*tchin

Some time ago...

Dear bloggie,

Hard to imagine, almost 2 years ago, I attended tis gig...



"Music is a mysterious thing. Sometimes it makes people remember things they do not expect. Many thoughts, feelings, memories... things almost forgotten... Regardless of whether the listener desires to remember or not."
0 b*tchin

LOST

Dear bloggie,

I just feel very LOST at this very early morning...
Saturday, October 2, 2010 0 b*tchin

Choice

Dear bloggie,

Tis is one thought I been pondering about for quite sometime since I heard a interview on the radio.

It seems a lot of people give up on their dreams because they realize they will never be able to break the limit of talent and pursue something else that they are gifted with instead. So...

"Is it better to pursue a career which you like but lack talent on or a career that you only so-so like but is talented in?"

It's a difficult question to answer for some people, while for others, it a straight simple easy to answer question. The conclusion of my pondering was "The is no right and wrong answer". One must perhaps walk down a road to discover either is it a dead end road or not. It's a self discovery journey I think. And everybody differs in terms of personality, hence have different wants in life. Some people need to be needed, so these people may be happier pursuing a career that they are talented in instead of like. Others may find themselves happier and more alive chasing a dream, even though if the dream is like chasing a rainbow.

Personally I think one should pursue whatever they find themselves interested in. Talent may get you to the top, but it's really attitude that will keep you on the top. Having said that, one maybe talented in something but without having interest, I doubt one is able to fully expend that talent to the fullest potential.

So, my closing point... Try... You may suffer bruises and blister chasing a dream only to realize the limit of your talents, but without walking down that road, you will never know the real limits of your talent to begin with.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010 1 b*tchin

Sunshine?

Dear bloggie,

After the pretty heavy rainfall last week, finally I see some sunlight coming from behinds the dark clouds.

Yesterday, someway, somehow, manage to complete my components on time. Today QA day, QA posted some bugs from my components. One was a bug while another seem to be version issue, as she seem to be getting an older version of the component hence the problem. With the team leader aid, managed to solve one bug, hopefully tomolo when QA get newer built with solve the other bug. Then I can concentrate on my demo next monday + slack. Abit worried on this sprint as my component really a f*ckin complicated sh*t compared to other components I did in earlier sprints. 3 Components, 1 totally not scared, 1 I worried due to the template I using I scared not compatible with the QA test version and this complicated sh*t component, rather a lot of deployment forms one.

Anyway, had my last and final probation review today. After having 2 so-so reviews (3/5 for most aspect), I was half expecting another so-so rating from my team lead, but surprisingly got a good rating instead (4/5). In past reviews, I only received "Technical able", "Willing to take initiative to speak to PO to confirm things.", "Communication need improvement", but tis time around got stunned by "Fast Learner", "Willing to take more responsibilities", "Communicate with team members, PO and QA", "Autonomous", ""... I was like WTF happen? Mistaken me for someone else de ka? Yet team lead still pointed out my communication still need work. Now I think about it, maybe my team leader purposely say good things so I accept the offer onli one...

Anyway, HR seem satisfied with my team lead review and told me, I will receive my confirmation letter in 1-2 days. I was like O_O... So fast...?

Personally, I'm dun really care bout this confirmation, what mainly matters is $ got up or not.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010 0 b*tchin

Ice kacang puppy love

Dear bloggie,

"Mouthful of shaven ice under the hot scorching sun that almost burns your mouth; the sweet and cold icy feeling that melts before you could even really taste it. Remember the feeling of first love or what we call 'Puppy Love'? Sweet yet bitter and it hurts sometimes when your heart is broken, before you could even capture the moment... all that is left behind are heartbreaking memories..."



Not the best film, but a great effort by Malaysian cast and film makers...
Monday, September 27, 2010 0 b*tchin

Sial

Dear bloggie,

Damn sial today... After parking at road side for almost 3 months, today kena saman... CB! Really kane traffic police... Probably see the HP area empty, so come saman all the row of cars parking at (typically empty) roadside. Niamah... I dunno why always these bunch of kera like to saman cars that park nicely at roadside instead of those cars that park like sohai causing jam elsewhere... Really sial...

Somemore my 1 month + old glasses the nose holder part screw loose, drop out. Damn parai... Dunno can find replacement for such small part for glasses ar not.

When it rains, it pours la....
Sunday, September 26, 2010 0 b*tchin

Magnolia

Dear bloggie,

Drawn to tis movie's tagline...

"Things fall down. People look up. And when it rains, it pours"



And "No Pussy has Nine Lives" !?



Holy SH*T!!

0 b*tchin

Why does it always rain on me?

Dear bloggie,

Yea, the weather was nice. The heavy rain has stopped awhile ago. The air was cooling, the sun was 1/2 down into the golden sky horizon. A nice evening for a jog, I thought.

I "henshin" into my running gear and *poof*... Into the wild. Upon reaching my usually joggin track, I discover 1/2 of the track was flooded. Fag! I tried improvising and running on the smaller area that wasn't flooded, no syok... Potong stim, coz too short and can't run with autopilot mode... Decided to run into housing area instead. Haven't done tat before, so ran into the housing area behind my house. On the way running to the area, it started to rain slightly. At that moment I felt someone asking me "Why does it always rain on me?" So drenched in sweat and slight rain drops, I fasten my pace and ran my way back to my home.

I ponder why sometimes things like tis happens? Jatuh ditimpa tangga... Less happy things happening continually. Coincidence? Big G being humor? Or just results of my own choices? My morale is pretty low at the moment. Totally unprepared for another bruising week. Work dateline, Probation final review, Demo, etc... I feel like I need another year, maybe more than that just to recover from the latest strings of event...

Even going for gym classes makes me depressed to a certain degree, the mind/body studio is a constant reminder to myself of how I let my fears of failure prevented me from taking a chance and enrolling in the instructors training course. Watching young hopeful trainee in class for the next few week, will most likely further depress me...

Anyway, my parents are on vacation to Hat Yai, Thailand for a few days. Home alone again, the depressing mood when I was also home alone last Xmas resurfaces. The thought of spending another depressing Xmas like last year sends a shiver down my spine. I guess when one's at my age, we somehow able to gaze upon our mortality better...

On the end of the tunnel, hopefully... Skytrex Big Thrill awaits me this Sunday... However what kinda of mindset will I be in on tat day? I will definitely be celebrating something... Either the confirmation of my job, or regained freedom due to lost of job. But will I walk with the burden of yet another string of failures upon my back?
Saturday, September 25, 2010 0 b*tchin

EMO

Dear bloggie,

Very emo post... Skip if u dun wanna read a self pity loser b*tchin on how depressing his life can sometimes be...

It's rather "FUNNY", now that I think about it. How could I not see this coming... Doing the same mistake, time after time after time again. Never learn do I. Perhaps I was blinded by my new found positive energy gained from gymin.

Depressingly really, how sometimes I feel like I could change, I could be different, and then reality comes like a ton of brick behind my shoulders...

Forgot to see myself in the mirror like most hardcore gymers do after their workout, looking for the smallest spec of change in their physical. If I had, I could have realized the fact...

People can't change, they can pretend/think/imagine they changed but they can never change their inner self.

I'm a rock... Always have been, always will be...
0 b*tchin

Hurt

Dear bloggie,

I think I posted tis song in my old bloggie a long, long time ago... Back when I don't even know who da f*ck was Johny Cash, and all I saw in this video was an old depressed man that was "hurt"...

Guess I made one BIG circle...



Hurt - Johny Cash

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Thursday, September 23, 2010 0 b*tchin

Busy, busy, busy

Dear bloggie,

Quite alot of things happened lately... Too tired/lazy to blog on it. Mostly work things...

Hard to imagine in a week time, will already be 3 months since I worked at my new company. So fast time fly by... Sorta reminds me of my first company probation time also. Anyway, my company organized it's staff meeting last Tuesday. No much interesting thing, but seems the company is doing quite well except for the US branch. The company share also seem to risen up by around 30%, but since I not eligible for the share, SUX...

Also, the 1st lightning talk was held yesterday. Practically, anyone can go give a 5 minutes talk on anything tech related. As u can expect, I was snoozing while a bunch of hardcore programmers was ranting about how keng la tis language, how tiu la some people that use so many "if" statement in their code coz dunno how to use strategy design pattern, how to "Hypothesis Testing" (Dunno wtf it is also), blablabla... Onli good thing in my book, was free pizza to eat.

Kane, today lagi sial. Another monthly review. Crap man... Done like 3 de (+ tis one) so far, tis 31 another one. F*CK man, I initially thought was reviewed by HR ppl, mana tau is by a kwai lou that is above tis department head. Instead of he review me, he ask me review the company. Most questions did ok, except for how to improve the company question. Dunno wat to suggest, so say no idea at the moment. Lasted 15 minutes, dunno good or not.

Work wise, finally hit a tough task. Task is not tough actually but the condition make the task tough. In mid sprint, requirement change and the base application that we writing program to generate the configuration file for change the configuration files settings. So can imagine, like cut development 1/2 to finish task. Also tis round, I need demo to kwai lou my module... *Sigh*... However not all so bad, as have to say had quite a rather stimulating moment, when the team gather to discuss a solution/workaround on a problem I had in my module. The different stance and ideas discussed, you can really see la, hardcore programmers. In the end, after all the nice OO design, the solution I ended up using was a simple hack solution provided by my team lead...

Since I need demo my module, my team lead ask me ask QA how to test the module. So I had to communicate quite alot with my QA. Hahaha, now got at least got a gal to chat with in office de... Today was also supposed to be team lunch, but got postpone as we got a tight deadline to meet. Probably rescheduled to next week, or after this spring ends, ie: end of this month.
Monday, September 20, 2010 0 b*tchin

Can't sleep

Dear bloggie,

It been quite a long time since I can't sleep at night. A bit depressed because of need go back to work in 3-4 hours time..

Really depressed because I have to play this rat maze game for the rest of my life. Work sometimes I feel is like a form of slavery. I know comparing slavery with work is a bit extreme since slavery conditions is really far worst, but what I'm referring to is the bondage of the human spirit. It's like we're hookers, selling a part of our self for moolah. Selling our dreams, our freedom, our free will...

Is it worth it? I dunno... Not anymore...

In a world where money dictates most thing, we humans have indirectly becomes slaves to our own desire, or more exact, greed. Money makes the world go round they say. I used to believe that money isn't everything. Now, I dunno anymore... Maybe it doesn't but it very close to doing so...

My arguments were:

Can money buy u life? No, but it can buy u the best medical attention.
Can money buy u love? No, but is love enough in most relationships?
Can money buy u dreams or happiness? No, but it can give one a disillusion of obtaining em.

I used to think in the younger days, I'll be happy settling for a average pay job that as long makes me happy is enough. I realize how naive I was back then. Logic apply, why do job gives one a salary? Simple, cause if they don't give u one, no one would be willing to do it. Applying this logic, I think most job falls inside this category.

We work and work, yearning and thinking one day, maybe we would earn enough dough that I can retire from this shit we have to subject our self to. But reality is harsh, we are after all slaves to our own desire/greed. We work our arse to the max, we get a nice fat cheque at the end of the month, a portion goes to pay our loans, our living cost, etc...

The balance, we use to spoil our self getting "that thing" we always wanted. We get it with the thinking, I deserve it coz I worked my f*ckin arse for it. I know the feeling of spending this hard earned money, it feels great. But I sometimes ponder, why do I need to spend money to be happy? And it's such times, I feel something is seriously f*cked up... I get myself unhappy working my arse for some $, then get myself happy again by spending this $? I'm already confused...

Yet, coming back to the topic of being slave to the system. I ponder what if this rat maze system one day collapsed. Would we be better off without it or worst?
Sunday, September 19, 2010 0 b*tchin

~Oh life, it's bigger...

Dear bloggie,

Heard these classics on the radio,







Sure brings back memories...
Saturday, September 18, 2010 0 b*tchin

Kamen Rider Blade

Dear bloggie,

Was rewatching Kamen Rider Blade when I stumble into this...



WTF!?

Compare to the original OP, have to say the feel totally different...



The singing feels like more fast pace in Japo.... The canto version sounds... well... like canto pop...

Anyway, rewatching Blade and and have to say, forgot how action packed it was... Arguably the best 2nd generation Kamen Rider series in terms of overall package: story wise, action and powerups...
Friday, September 17, 2010 0 b*tchin

Rainy Morning

Dear bloggie,

I luv raining mornings...

The slightly cold breeze,
the dark skies,
the sound of raindrops pinging the roof...
Thursday, September 16, 2010 0 b*tchin

Malaysian Day

Dear bloggie,

Walau eh, what an eventful Malaysia day. I kicked off tis superb day by a forceful reboot early morning. Then rush off going to yoga class, was a bit late. Anyway, pair yoga again, too bad got super flexible uncle in the class... didn't get to pair up with any chick, T_T. Get to play with a new yoga props though, sorta like a long straps thingy. Put tis straps at the "bra line" (Pls, anyone enlighten me where the f*ck izt! Niaseng) on the back, then u do a cobra pose while ur partner place their leg on ur front delts and pull the straps, pushing u back into a more deeper cobra pose. Here's a rough sketch on the proper way to do tis pose, assuming ur partner is a gal...



Hands pull the straps a bit,
Leg push against the shoulder a bit
Eyes focus on the chick's asset's bra line area a bit

After a rather tiring session, when home and

Zzz...

Slept till awaken awhile ago... Wat an awesome way to utilize a free day *Sigh*
Thursday, September 9, 2010 0 b*tchin

Unbalance Balance

Dear bloggie,

A ex-collegue once (or not long ago) asked me how is work life at my current co. Well, as another of my ex-collegue answered for me, "It's totally unbalance". Yea, how true... It's so balance, you sorta feel it damn unbalanced.

As they say, if you have it, flaunt it... So here I'm a b*tchin bout how I work for onli 1/2 day today. Yesterday already got email declaring 3pm can cabut if no urgent work at hand, or meeting, or etc. Anyway, since team leader was himself balik kampung raya de, in indirect SCRUM stand up (in messenger) today, I jokingly said "Yesterday, I was in sprint planning. Today, I plan to vanish at 3pm." (I hope server no keep history else tuesday team leader join chat room again will see my post). Very holiday mood de everyone in office. So around 3pm, still no big people cabut, so had to wait... wait, wait, wait... a few people leave... Nia seng betul! Wait till MFR posted a KCKL crap in yahoo messenger, decided to die, die la... Tag out of office at 3.15pm. Drove like a madman to GYM, attend my favorite instructor class, too bad late 30 minutes de. Workout like 20 minutes onli since 10 remaining minutes is savasana (meditation and rest). Yea, I f*ckin missed tis class! Best 30 minutes I had in gym for quite awhile de.

Anyway, since I flaunt my 1/2 day de, now I think I will flaunt my Monday is declared as replacement leave by my company too. Hahahaha.... Really too balance, that it's unbalanced...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010 0 b*tchin

W00t!

Dear bloggie,



Received tis a few days back via mail. Wanted to b*tch about it, but due to over exhaustion didn't managed to do so. Pretty c00l certificate, at least better photo finish then last year one...
0 b*tchin

OOO

Dear bloggie,



// TOBLOG

Very Den-Oish
Sunday, September 5, 2010 1 b*tchin

Calipers

Dear bloggie,

I spoil myself again and burnt a hole in my wallet again by buying this today:



No! This ain't a forceps but it's a sex fitness toy called caliper. In case u wondering, I'm using tis to calculate my "thing" size. How to use it? Easy, just pinch "it" HARD and then put the caliper on the pinch and press a bit hard on the calipers to clip it. Then wala, u can read the measurement on the calipers to get ur "thing" size. Maybe I still n00b at using this calipers la, but I got pretty small measurements for my "thing".

Btw, the "thing" I refering to here is my skinfold lor... WTF u think I measuring wor?

Jokes asides, why do I measure my skinfold? I measuring my skinfold so I can calculate roughly my fat %. As you may or may not know, in body building the common way to measure progress is to calculate how much muscle u gain. A common mistake people do when they trying to calculate muscle gain, they use weight scale to compare their body weight before and after.

See, if I eat bah kut teh for 1 month for breakfast + lunch + dinner then no exercise and (if I no die la) I obviously will gain weight one mah. Then can I say "Walau eh, I gain 3-4kg of muscle just by eating pig like a pig and sleeping like a pig" [Imagine a fat version of me with a HUGE BOUNCY 1 pack abs flexing my muscle like the Hulk here]

To more accurately calculate muscle gain, one needs to calculate weight then subtract ur fat to get ur muscle mass. Then u compare ur muscle mass from prev weighting to see if increase or decrease. So how do you calculate your fat? There is several ways, one of em is the skinfold method which uses the caliper to roughly estimate your fat %. To get a estimate of your fat %, you need measure the skinfold at several parts of your body then insert these values into a formula.

So what is my fat %? That unfortunately is my secret... And one more fun fact, typically for those gunning for a 6 pack, the fat % is a quite important indicator as for male, often one need to go down to 1 digit figure for fat % for your abs to be even visible.
Saturday, September 4, 2010 0 b*tchin

The joy of partnering

Dear bloggie,

Yea, been to a quite a number of classes that need pair up to do poses/exercises. Typically it's a good way to befriend someone new. I paired up with quite a lot of peoples de from both gender (but not yet anyone from the in between gender), different sizes, races, etc.

It's quite a nice change to pair up to do some exercises instead of doing it solo. Typically, most pairing exercises I gone to focuses on one person. This means one person will be doing the exercise, while his/her partner will aid this person get a better stretch or correct form. Another is both also do pose together one with somewhere both aid each other to get deeper into the pose. While I rarely see male and female partnering up (except for couple and bf/gf), I do occasionally see random male and female stranger partnering up. For such partnering, this is great chance to some physical contact. For me, the part I often get to touch is people's sweaty hands and people's smelly legs/foot.

Anyway, since my long intro on exercise partner is done, here is my main story. Yesterday la, I went to pilates class. I was 1/2 asleep in meditation pose as I came straight from work and endured around 40 minutes of Body Balance class, so abit worn out physically and mentally. The main regulars were MIA, dunno where, the instructor was reading book infront. Then a 3B Dude (Big, Bald & Black) came into the class. My first impression was this guy looks like a gay. I didn't really bother with him since he pulled his mat to the front, far far away from where I was (back row). 1/2 awake, I notice a movement, this dude was walking to me. I thought he wanna go out the class, but then he squat beside me. I play my favorite pose, "My mind is not really here" poker face.

Next I know, this guy asked me...

"Wanna go for a drink?" (If tis really happen, I will straight do a 100m sprint outta the gym)

"How is this class one?" (Pls imagine a girly voice)

I looked at this dude for a few seconds, and for a brief moment was wondering if I mistaken him/her/it for a guy... "It" was wearing listick somemore, Walan eh... Why I never get approach by leng lui chicks, why attract tis kinda thing one... CB! Anyway, I thought of answering "it" question with a carbon copy of the instructor's opening intro speech to pilates which is "We mainly work the core to improve posture." but since I wan to impose an anti social feel wall around myself, I answered "Ok la, you want a proper description, you can ask the instructor infront there". Kick the ball to the instructor... LOL...

Anyway the guy say never mind la, but asked if this class was tough or etc. Since tis is a rather hard to answer question, as tough or not tough depends on several variables one mah. 1st if the person has strong core, if strong not tough la, if no exercise one, mampus la. 2nd, this kinda classes usually is multi level, means the instructor will give 2-3 options for one to challenge urself, so it's really tough or no tough, depends on urself one. But I since I dun wan waste my time give tis grandma answer to him, I give a neutral answer, "Average". Lucky he went back to his place after I answer him.

So class started, and as the instructor did his routine intro (Hi, I'm XXX. We will mainly work on the core to improve posture. Pain on blablabla..). Oddly the main regulars missing, so the class drop a notch down in toughness. Learn a few new things, such as the core muscle consist of TIER



T = Transverse Abdonimis (I think is inner most core muscle)
I = Internal Oblique
E = External Oblique
R = Rectus Abdonimis (6 Pack muscle)

Also learn how to activate the abs muscle to get better strength and stability during workout.

So back to story, do workout 1/2 way. The instructor decided to do some partnering. Sh*t! I realized got 3 batang students in the class. Amkhan liao, I thought. Lucky for me, the instructor want to demo need a student. Since his regular demo student MIA today, and since he know I quite okay in core strength, ask me up the stage be his puppet. Wah damn lucky! Escape! 2-3 partner exercise, back to normal exercise. No incident since, hope won't be seeing 3B next next week.

End of partnering story. Or so I think. Today morning, went to yoga class. 1/2 way class, again... partnering yoga. 3 Batang again. Lucky not like 3B one. Seem all the opposite sex one not open enough to pair with me, so the instructor ask me to take turns do pose with the other 2 batang. 2nd exercise, the instructor needed someone taller than her to demo, by luck I somehow was chosen. Now, partnering with a instructor is often a win-win, especially if the instructor is a leng lui, since you don't have to really worry bout the other partner screwing up. But since I partner with this instructor before, I know she can really push you into the stretch one. Yea, pull my hamstring to the max. In front of the stage some more, everyone seeing my leg hamstring shaking like earthquake. After release the pose, I walking abit goyang, some people were laughing. 3rd exercise, again... this time coz I tall and and am most light weight among the talls one (Tall skinny runt T_T). Do the back lift thing. I abit worried I would kemek her if her strength karput but she managed to lift my body on her back. The class was clapping. Wow, the tale of how the petite yoga instructor managed to lift a "baldin" tall skinny runt would be a tale forever remembered in the history of tis yoga class.

So is partnering fun? I have to say most of the time "Yes". Just hope u dun get paired up with a 3B...