Wednesday, December 31, 2008 0 b*tchin

Tribute to last day of 2008

Yesteryear

Yesteryear,
All my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesteryear.

Suddenly,
I'm not half the f*ck I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesteryear came suddenly.

Why I'm
so f*ck up I don't know, no one wouldn't say.
I done,
Something wrong, now I long for yesteryear.

Yesteryear,
Life was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesteryear.

Why I'm
so f*ck up I don't know, no one wouldn't say.
I done,
Something wrong, now I long for yesteryear.

Yesteryear,
Life was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesteryear.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.



A f*cked up version of Yesterday...
Tuesday, December 30, 2008 0 b*tchin

Dreams and hopes

Why do we dream and hope? Izt becoz of our desire? Izt becoz of greed? Izt becoz it it's like a mirror that reflects our inner most desires and wants? Izt becoz we are unsatisfied with our current self and yearn for more? Or izt becoz we are human?

Dreams and hope motivate us to take the next step forward into the unknown in search for what we dream and hope for. Sometimes, if one works hard enuff and with a little bit of lady luck, dreams sometimes come true.

I had dreams and hope too... And I seen enuff of these dreams and hope come crashing down to the solid earth to know despite how many times one may experience such thing, it will always still hurt when your dream and hope goes up in blazing flames. So I just felt very depressed suddenly becoz of for no apparent reason I fear dreaming and hoping. We only grow through suffering, but yet for some reason I'm unable to convince my true inner conscience of that statement. Watever the argument, I dun think I can stop my inner self from dreaming and hoping hence all the suffering I am going to endure make me very very depressed.
0 b*tchin

How To Disappear Completely



How To Disappear Completely - Radiohead

That there, that's not me
I go where I please
I walk through walls
I float down the Liffey

I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here

In a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah, it's gone

I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here

Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes

I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here....


In a little while, I'll be gone... Whenever I hear that phrase, all I can say is Creme De Creme of Depression...
0 b*tchin

~I'm Empty


Empty - The Click Five

Tried to take a picture
Of love
Didn't think I'd miss her
That much
I wanna fill this new frame
But it's empty

Tried to write a letter
In ink
It's been getting better
I think
I got a piece of paper
But it's empty
It's empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

And I even wonder
If we
Should be getting under
These sheets
We could lie in this bed
But it's empty
It's empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

Oh oh
Oh oh
Oooooh
Oh oh
Oh oh

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

(Maybe we're trying)
(Trying too hard)
(Maybe we're torn apart)
We're empty
(Maybe the timing)
(Is beating our hearts)
We're empty

Maybe I'm trying too hard... Maybe I'm empty...
Sunday, December 28, 2008 0 b*tchin

2009 New Year Resolution

It's the time of the year where we look back at wat has been, wat is and wat will be...
  1. Past
    • Sis faced her first academic *real* test. It's so much easier for those who often fall to stand up than those who never fall before to stand up again.

    • New job, New domain, New technology, New client, Same shit

    • General Election, Almighty BN not so invisible after all...

    • Tried out freelancing

    • First time let people bang my car

    • First time bang other people car

    • The Awesome SG RnR Trip... RoXoR Baby...

    • Greatest petrol hike in Malaysia history... Govt can't subside us wor...

    • Finally RIP (Rest In Portals). Got fired coz spent too much time Friendster, Facebook and playing Google Gadget

    • Witness greatest reality TV show in Malaysia in Sept, The Politiking. Between recharging an opposition head with a charge he got jail for 6 years ago again, sending party members to Taiwan to avoid deflection, tearing posters of same political party members to trigger happy ISA, Tis is without a doubt the best reality TV series material EVER, or could be.

    • Greatest petrol crap in Malaysia history... We need subside PETRONAS wor...

    • Swoop to a new level of depression this X'Mas


  2. Present
    No idea where I am anymore. Stuck at train station "LOST N NOT FOUND YET" for so long, it ain't funny anymore...

  3. Future
    Dun have Kreia's See Future using the Force ability so dunno wtf will happen but I read from self motivation books it's important to have a path/goal in life. So here is my 2009 New Year Resolution:
    • Pursue atleast one hobby and not go NATO on it

    • Exercise more

    • Quit/Reduce drinking alcohol

    • Start to read books again

    • Revive annual Penang trip

    • Listen to more music

    • Blog more than this year (Word count and Blog entry count)

    • Try to live life more than I did this year

    • Hope less

    • Figure out a better path/goal that this current list for 2010

Thursday, December 25, 2008 0 b*tchin

Reflection

Dear bloggie,

No, not Java Reflection u silly tart... Year 2008 Reflection...

Reflecting on my 2008 resolution list, let see how I fare...

  • Get a new job
    I not only got 1 new jobs, but got 2 new jobs... So Excellent!

  • Master Spring framework
    NATO Affair

  • Learn to play at least one song using the guitar
    NATO Affair

  • Start investing in public bank mutual funds
    Yes, started investing. Saving some dough for the future.

  • Expand my meat list
    WTF was I thinking when I wrote this list!?

  • Blog more often
    With more than extra 13 extra blog entry compared to year 2007, I consider this a all hail the slacker that have too much time in office to blog...

  • Think of something to add to this list next year
    Have to wait for new year eve to see wat kinda lamer resolution list I can cook up.

0 b*tchin

M3rry XM@$

Dear bloggie,

MERRY F*CKIN XMAS!!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 0 b*tchin

How much?

Dear bloggie,

If happiness can be bought..how much would u willing to pay?

I saw this message on one of my former collegue's msn personal message... And it got me to wear my thinking cap for a few short minutes to ponder about it and decided to blog out my train of thoughts so one day, when I more older (and hopefully more wiser), I can look back at this entry and have a glimpse of my younger self. Have I changed? Am I more bitter, Am I more nihilist? Am I more miserable? Am I more whacky? Have I repented? Do I think the past self is a goddamn stupid wuss? ... And despite all changes that occurred during the ravages of time, Am I inside, my core self, my soul, my true self, unchanged? Anyway for those who want to hear my answers for the questions above will have to wait 10 years from today, ie 23 December 2018, Assuming I'm still alive then. Anyway back to the topic above...

The first thing that comes into my mind is I'm willing to pay 0 cent for it. Abit of reflection, I come to realize that it's "The Pure" me speaking, "The Pure" me views happiness as something , eh well pure. Something that transcend petty things like money, so it would be a mockery to try to purchase such pure thing with money. After all haven't u heard before the phrase "The best things in life is free".

But then "The Logic" me kicks in and screams "Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wat kinda naive n f*cked up logic is tat? F9 for Logical/Critical/Realistic thinking dude. If happiness is worth more than money, shouldn't you trade every money you have for it? Besides the current world you live in resolve around moolah, so grow up kiddo!".

Suddenly "The Monk" inside me comes out with a stick and hits "The Logic" Me with the stick on the head and points his index finger up to the sky. "Life is suffering, Desire leads to suffering, ..." but before "The Monk" finished his sentence, "The Rage" Me has already stuck a black bag on top of "The Monk" head from behind and landed a *Wham* cheap chair shot on him. "Happiness is just temporary, after it's over we will suffer, Blablabla... Yayaya, we all heard that phrase like a kazillion times before, so put a sock in it will ya!", "The Rage" shouts out.

"The Depress", "The Apathy" and "The Nihilist" me silently watch the spectacle from the sideline. They echo the same phrase "Watever..."

I lay back on my imaginary expensive sofa recliner and watch silently, amused as more of imaginary versions of myself fights, bicker and b*cth about the topic above. I realized the answer to the topic no longer matter to me, my interest is at how many versions of myself I have that is part of me as a whole... A f*cked up version of myself in ragged t shirt, unshaven beard, uncombed hair, slippers and short pants walks up to me and said "Guess I won"... I merely nod as a response and say "I guess you did, Slacker Me"...
Saturday, December 20, 2008 0 b*tchin

Cock + Tail = Cocktail

Dear bloggie,

To celebrate a miserable week, I went to Republic @ Sunway Piramid to taste a glass of Chocolate Diamond. Consisting of vodka, tea (WTF???) and tiny bits of kissess chocolates served in rounded cocktail glass, I was wondering to myself while waiting for this cocktail to be serve, since we usually drink tea to counter the after effects of alcohol, since we're mixing em together here, Does that mean I won't have the so much of the after effects of alcohol after drinking tis baby?

Well I found out upon my first few sips, the tea doesn't entirely mask the alcohol taste, but the combination of alcohol, tea and tiny chocolaty taste coming from the kissess chocolate in this cocktail was quite unique. As bonus after sipping tis sucker down, u can also munch the bits of chocolate in the cup (I got 5 tiny bits), Hahaha... And after effect wise, yes! It's still there at, tak rasa pun the effects of the tea (Maybe too small dosage de the tea portion). Price RM 21 (+tax).
Saturday, December 13, 2008 0 b*tchin

Xmas Jingledown: 12 days


12 Days of Xmas - The Rock

On the nite Test face the great one this is wat he'll see,
12 Sharpshooters stinging,
11 Eye brows raising,
10 Spine of busting,
9 nugget socking,
8 kicks of kicking,
7 punches punching,
6 suplex smashing,
5 seconds of the people chanting The Rock's name,

4 Rock Bottoms,
3 People's elbow on your,
2 Butt teeth and,
1 @$$ kicking all over New Orleans.
0 b*tchin

Nvidia Fiasco

Dear bloggie,

I'm bloggin from my old deskop PC for the 1st time since 1 year ago. Y? Coz the lappy is wasted... My Dell Inspiron 1420 seems to have either a gpu or mobo problem as my screen goes a empty black screen. I tried hooking up a external monitor but wat appears is a distorted screen. I did some diggin on the net and found that my gpu, Nvidia 8400M seems to be defective. The GPU go karput after overheating. So far no formal response from Nvidia or Dell on this matter. Dell has however offer a 12 month extension to warranty for specific model lappy with this defective GPU. My warranty has expired a couple months ago, so I might giv Dell a call soon.

But the main problem is what is the resolution for this problem? Many people have reported Dell have simply replace their mobo n gpu with the same version one. So we are getting the same defective gpu tat will have a chance to karput in the next 12 months? I dunno wtf is goin on but I already starting to regret purchasing this gpu unit. Sure, my lappy could handle a fair amount of high level games but with the risk of my lappy goin karput anytime especially at critial moment, I can't help to regret paying less for a lousy intel graphic card instead. Save me the $ and trouble.

I sure hope Nvidia and major OEM involved in tis matter issue out a callback for the defective gpu and have them replace with a gpu of equivalent value and without a defective flaw. However, I doubt such action will even persuade me to purchase anymore product from these 2 sides as the way they handle tis matter seems really f*ck. No phone call, No email (Talk about being top OEM but a goddamn email also can't sent to inform the client on tis matter, So if the gpu no burn down are u guys planning to lets the defective gpu continue till it karput?). Instead of recognizing the issue and taking prompt action, neither side really did any BIG action and still model with this defective gpu are being rolled out to unsuspecting peoples like I was. Shouldn't these model (or atleast this GPU) be stop from rolling out already since you already know there's a defect?

Final advice, Stay away from Nvidia until they sorted out tis mess. Theirs action is a good indication of wat kinda service you will get from them as a customer.
Friday, December 12, 2008 0 b*tchin

Xmas Jingledown: 13 days


Christmas eve - Celine Dion

Snow falling gently to the ground
'Tis the night before
And in my heart there is no doubt
That this is gonna be
The brightest holiday
'Cause here you are with me
Baby baby I can't wait

To spend this special time of year with someone who
Makes me feel the special way that you do

Walkin' with you in a water's snow
Kissin' underneath the mistletoe
People smiling everywhere we go
It's christmas eve and they can see we're in love

Oh you make the season bright
With the lights reflected in your eyes
All my dreams are comin' true tonight
It's christmas eve and I can see we're in love

We'll stay up late tonight
Decorate the tree
Just look into my eyes
And I will tell you truthfully
That I don't need no Santa Claus
To hear my christmas wish
I got you in my arms
And what could be a better gift
Than to spend my very favorite time of year
With the one I really love so near oh yeeeaahh

Walkin' with you in a winter's snow
Kissin' underneath the mistletoe
People smiling everywhere we go
It's christmas eve and they can see we're in love

Ooh you make the season bright
With the lights reflected in your eyes
All my dreams are comin' true tonight
It's christmas eve and I can see we're in love

And bells are ringing when I hear you say
We'll do it all again on christmas day
I can't wait

Walkin' with you in a winter's snow
Kissin' underneath the mistletoe
People smiling everywhere we go
It's christmas eve and they can see we're in love

Ooh you make the season bright
With the lights reflected in your eyes
All my dreams are comin' true tonight
It's christmas eve and I can see we're in love

Walkin' with you in a winter's snow
Kissin' underneath the mistletoe
People smiling everywhere we go
0 b*tchin

~Time to depress myself

~I'm on the top of the world lookin down on creation...

Dun ya just love the feeling when everything come together after alot of hardwork and toils? *Ring*, *Ring* Ring any bells?

Anyway got tat feeling awhile ago, however from experience (plus from being my pessimistic self) I learned from my life experience usually tis kinda thing is followed by the "comes crashing down to the earth from the sky" event. So I'm trying to depress myself so the oncoming train won't hurt me so much. I mean, how can you be miserable if u are already miserable?

My personal favorite way to get depress, walk alone around a shopping mall fulled with peoples (3rd best is meeting an old successful "fren").

I come to realized the best way to gain personal peace is to seek the total opposite. How do you know joy if dun know wat is sadness to begin with?

What could be more chaotic then a bunch of peoples walking in a shopping mall? Totally different race, face, background... I never seem to be able to cease myself from looking at rapt amazement when I look down from the mall's top floor at the hundred of peoples moving around down below. Sorta feels like the same serene feeling when I was a kid and tried counting the falling raindrops from the window side.

Hundred of peoples who are lofting around the mall, hundred of peoples who have someone special to live their life with, hundred of people chasing and achieving their dreams, hundred of peoples living their life.

I think I'm depressed whenever I walk in Mall alone cause I think realized I am forever doomed as a rock in the middle of a flowing river... No special 1 page newspaper article on how rocking I am, No chicks clad in bikini surrounding me while I drive my Ferrari, No Ferrari to get laid in with the bikini clad chicks, No realizing of my maximum potential, No one to share my life with, No wealth, No dreams, No ambitions, No understanding of myself, No understanding of the world, No faith, No God... Maybe a single urn at the end...

Yea, I think I managed to depress myself already... Just gotta love this bloggin thing... (Btw bloggin depressing things is my 2nd way of getting depress)
Thursday, December 11, 2008 0 b*tchin

Xmas Jingledown: 14 days

Dear bloggie,

Too bad it dun snow here in Malaysia, potong stim when u hear tis song...



Let it Snow - Dean Martin

Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we've no place to go,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

It doesn't show signs of Pauseping,
And I've bought some corn for popping,
The lights are turned way down low,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

When we finally kiss goodnight,
How I'll hate going out in the storm!
But if you'll really hold me tight,
All the way home I'll be warm.

The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we're still good-bying,
But as long as you love me so,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008 0 b*tchin

Xmas Jingledown: 15 Days

Dear bloggie,

When I was small, and christmas trees were tall,
We used to love while others used to play.
Dont ask me why, but time has passed us by,
Some one else moved in from far away.


First of May - Bee Gees

When I was small, and christmas trees were tall,
We used to love while others used to play.
Dont ask me why, but time has passed us by,
Some one else moved in from far away.

(chorus)
Now we are tall, and christmas trees are small,
And you dont ask the time of day.
But you and i, our love will never die,
But guess well cry come first of may.

The apple tree that grew for you and me,
I watched the apples falling one by one.
And I recall the moment of them all,
The day I kissed your cheek and you were mine.

(chorus...)

When I was small, and christmas trees were tall,
Do do do do do do do do do...
Dont ask me why, but time has passed us by,
Some one else moved in from far away.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008 0 b*tchin

Xmas Jingledown: 16 days

Dear bloggie,

I think there must be something wrong with me. X'mas is coming but I'm not happy. I dun feel the way I'm supposed to feel. Just don't understand X'mas I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards, and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed.


Christmas Time Is Here

Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year

Snowflakes in the air
Carols everywhere
Olden times and ancient rhymes
Of love and dreams to share

Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty everywhere
Yuletide by the fireside
And joyful memories there

Christmas time is here
We'll be drawing near
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year...


I'm so charlie brownie...
Monday, December 8, 2008 0 b*tchin

Xmas Jingledown: 17 days

Dear bloggie,

Feeling sentimental right now so....


Christmas Shoes

Then the cashier said, "Son, there's not enough here"
He searched his pockets frantically
Then he turned and he looked at me
He said Mama made Christmas good at our house Though most years she just did without
Tell me Sir, what am I going to do,
Somehow I've got to buy her these Christmas shoes

So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out
I'll never forget the look on his face when he said
Mama's gonna look so great

Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight

[Bridge:]
I knew I'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love
As he thanked me and ran out
I knew that God had sent that little boy
To remind me just what Christmas is all about.
Sunday, December 7, 2008 0 b*tchin

Xmas Jingledown: 18 Days

Dear bloggie,

Here's Travis performing with a drunk Santa...


Last Christmas - Travis

[Chorus] x 2
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shyed
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby
Do you recognize me
Well, it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me
Merry Christmas, I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying 'I love you', I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kiss me now, I know you'd fool me again

[Chorus] x 2

A crowded room and friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of eyes
My God, I thought you were someone to rely on
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in her heart
A man on a cover but you tore me apart
And now I found you loving, you'll never fool me again

[Chorus] x 3
Saturday, December 6, 2008 0 b*tchin

Xmas Jingledown: 19 Days

Dear bloggie,

I wondered among all the multiracial celebrations, Christmas is always the one I feel most connect with though I ain't a Christian. Maybe it's the mood that I can feel that I hardly feel anymore from other celebrations. The mood I feel on xmas is the quiet but comforting feel, quite matches my personality noes (minus the comformting)?


Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Bianca Ryan

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.
Friday, December 5, 2008 0 b*tchin

Xmas Jingledown: 20 Days

Dear bloggie,

With the mood of X'mas in the air everywhere lately,



So this is Christmast - Celine, Gloria & Charlotte

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong

And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
And a new one just begun

And so happy Christmas
We hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over
If you want it
War is over
Now...
Thursday, December 4, 2008 0 b*tchin

~Always Somewhere

Dear bloggie,

Music, it's so soothing and intoxicating...


Always Somewhere - Scorpions

Arrive at seven the place feels good
No time to call you today
Encore till eleven then Chinese food
Back to the hotel again

I call your number the line ain't free
I like to tell you come to me
A night without you seems like a lost dream
Love I can't tell you how I feel

Always somewhere
Miss you where I've been
I'll be back to love you again

Another morning another place
The only day off is far away
But every city has seen me in the end
And brings me to you again

Always somewhere
Miss you where I've been
I'll be back to love you again
0 b*tchin

Pain and meaning

Dear bloggie,
Did you ever say yes to a pleasure?
Oh my friends, then you also said yes to all pain.
All things are linked, entwined, in love with one another.
What does not kill me, makes me stronger.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Wednesday, December 3, 2008 0 b*tchin

Who wanna be a Millionaire? Apparently not Kamal...

Dear bloggie,

Why would someone with no desires for money join "Who want's to a Millionaire" for? Tat is apparently the tagline for tis movie.



Was kinda slackin around the internet when i stumble across a video clip of Kamal answering a question in the "Who wanna be a Millionaire" before getting blur f*ck when he was told he answer it correctly and asking the host "Are you nervous?". It enuff of stir my curiosity todo a simple internet search which reveals a plotline that really interest me. The storyline seem to follow the format of how he came to know the answers for the seemingly impossible to answer questions in the contest from his life experience. This is a very innovative storytelling method that really aroused my interest for this movie.

I mean our personality is so claimed to be consist of two parts, our self as we are born as and our self as we are as we grow through interaction with our environment. I think it would be interesting to see how particulars peoples, events and things affect our personality. While I haven't seen this movie, I get the feeling that the impossible to answer questions in the "Who wanna be a Millionaire" are actually symbolic representation on aspects of our self as who we are, what we know, how we would react to certain things, our perspective in life, ultimately our experience in life, and I really dig tat.

Unfortunately tis movie is not available in Malaysia yet (Dunno even if it will make it to our shores)... *Sigh*
0 b*tchin

Bakau @ Fortune Telling

Dear bloggie,

Just had my fortune told via a internet website. How can I live without the World Wide Web...

Anyway here was the reading I got:



The Hanged Man:

Pausing to reflect. Surrendering to an experience. Adjusting to new ideas through sacrifice. Opening oneself to intuition and enhanced awareness. Letting go of past patterns and growing beyond them. Inner peace, faith, and serenity.
Monday, December 1, 2008 0 b*tchin

~I'm a creep

Dear bloggie,

Dedicating tis song to all those creep out there...



Creep - Radiohead

When you were here before,
couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking very special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking very special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out the door...
She's running out
she runs, runs, runs, runs...
runs...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking very special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...