Lost

Dear bloggie,

Today in my facebook news feed, I saw a album upload of one of my generation's classmate tying the knot. A part of my feel happy that my classmate found that someone special in his life to spend the rest of his life with, another part of me feels the depressed and even envy to a degree...

I'm already hitting the mid-age line and yet there's no sign I would ever find someone special in my life. I get the feeling, I'll probably die alone...

Coupled this with my current unemployment exodus, I find myself lost. Lost in this endless sea of possibilities... Everyone is perhaps born with the unlimited possibilities of what they can achieve or do with his/her life. While we would never know where any of these possibilities would lead us to, failure or success, I have that choice in our hand. Lucky ones find their path early, while some like me perhaps are still unable to find their way. I thought given enough time, I would eventually find the path I want to walk but somehow I fear they may not be one for me. I often ponder why did I survive the car accident 3-4 years back... Is it because I still have incomplete thing I need to perform in God's Fate Script? Is it because I still haven't pay enough for my past karma? Is is simply pure random luck I survive?

Sometimes I wished I lack the curiosity to think of this kind of things... Why we exists? Who am I? Why is this world so f*cked up? Why are people so blind to the fragility of their life? Blablabla... Without this thoughts, I feel I would live my life more stupidly but I think I would be less depressed than I currently am... Ignorance is after all bliss, they say...