The Gift

Dear bloggie,

Another great one from the amazing Glen Hansard...



Awesome song, but the song lyrics abit too uplifting for me... "Strong enuff", "Don't give up", "Just try to understand"...

Anyway side note, today walked into a pilates class where the students were doing the teaching... Actually these students are preparing for their certification exam, hence the instructor gave them a chance to practice for the exam and I ended up as a guinea pig for them. Gives me a great insight of what to expect if I signup for the certification end of this year as well. Quite a eye opening experience since most of the time I'm used to seeing instructors giving cues in consistent, easy to understand and "almost" perfect manner in classes, I take it for granted it's a easy thing to do... Trust me, it ain't. The order of the cues, the on the spot adjustments, how to present it in a easy to understand manner visually & verbally... I already doubt if I can do it... And to think these batch probably have train for almost a year for this exam, sorta make me feel motivated... I mean, that what mastery of a specific skill is about. Slowly but with unwavering desire to improve one's skill. Some say "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result." yet I argue how is one able to aim for the acme of one's skill if one is no willing to immersed one self in such insanity to begin with?

Work meanwhile is getting harder and harder to do. The moment I step foot into the office, the 1st thing in my mind is the 6 o'clock "sau kong" moment of the day. Even with tasks in my hand, I find it more and more difficult to pass time in my office. Dunno how long I can work in this field anymore... I'm ain't really team lead material, my skill ain't really "great" and my working experience already hit 5+ years landmark... Quite hard to land a job with as code monkey anymore.

As for social life, nothing significant happen cause I choose to. A ex work colleague tried to intro someone to me, but I decided to shun it and shove it away in a rather rude manner. My fren say my qualification so char yet so cheng... At reflection level, I realize what I'm doing is similar to how I was treated... Hence I'm conflicted...

My only sanctuary for comfort is the gym. When I burn, tear and break myself physically till all that occupies my mind is the the thought of how many reps I need to do left. Sorta like getting drunk feeling... Push abit too much I fear, as signs of overuse appearing... Wrists, ankles, shoulders feel like they might actually break into 2 pieces. I ponder wat kinda worst state I would be in if even gym is taken away from me one day... :(