Thursday, March 22, 2012 0 b*tchin

Check

Dear bloggie,

I recently joined my co. sport carnival. Yea, I played in chess. Won 2, Lost 1, Free 1... So 3 points in my pocket. Have a high chance to get 3-4 place. The devil luck I call it. I was lucky enough to not be matched up against the 1st place winner that was on a KO streak, and I also got a free forfeit game from the 2nd strongest player... which no only earn me 1 point but also prevent me from replaying him again which is a big advantage... Still awaiting the other matches result, but so far got 2 players that still have the chance to pip me for 3-4 place, since both will be playing each other and currently has 2 points. I don't know what happens when there's a equals points situation, maybe a match to decide the ranking? But if there's a 5th round, I think I'm most likely to be matched up against the champion. I don't fancy my chance against him since I did played a friendly game against him already and lost. So, I hope I win atleast something...
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 0 b*tchin

Never doubt yourself

Dear bloggie,

A lesson I learnt... the hard way... Never ever doubt urself...
Sunday, March 18, 2012 0 b*tchin

Searching for Bobby Fischer

Dear bloggie,

Watched this movie recent: Searching of Bobby Fischer... A great movie...

Some of u probably be asking? WTF (Who The F*ck) is Bobby Fischer? Fischer is arguably one of the best chess grandmaster. He is well known for his deadly bishop plays.

Now for most people, when u think of chess... the first thing that comes into mind is the image of 2 people sitting on 2 wooden table with a chessboard in between them. A few people are surrounding them but the atmosphere is death silence, as everyone eyes are transfixed on the chessboard. We await patiently for one of the player that is deep in thought to make his move... but all we could heard is the ticking of the clock beside the chessboard. *Tick* *Tick* *Tick* ... Suddenly the player moves his hand towards the chessboard... Reaching his fingers for one of the chess pieces... All people gazes at him, awaiting in excitement on his move... But before he touches it, he suddenly retracts his hands and shakes his head... Then returns put backs his hand to his cheek and return back to his thought...

So wtf is so interesting bout a movie on this kinda scene u ask? While on the surface the scene above look f*ckin boring, the truth is a great game of chess is as exciting and exhilarating as riding a roller coaster. The fight is not only fought on the chessboard... but as well as in the mind of both players. It's not often the best tactical player that wins, but often it's the one that manages to keep his emotions in check and shows alot of guts.

Now, back to the movie, the movie isn't actually about finding Bobby Fischer. It's about finding the next Bobby Fischer. Adapted from the real live story of Josh Waitzkin who was a 7 years old child whom was discovered gifted in the game of chess by his father. Honing his skill from playing speed chess in the park from a chess hustler, Vinnie... Josh was brought into the mentor ship of Bruce, a former possible Bobby Fischer. Bruce teaches Josh the tactical and calculating part of chess. Under his system, Josh started to win tournaments after tournaments. However, constantly expected to win, Josh starts to feel the pressure. Things got worst when another young chess prodigy appeared which skills seems to surplus Josh's skill. Bruce desperate to prepare Josh to win, started to bar Josh from playing speed chess in the park as it's teaches Josh alot of bad habits which will hurt him in a normal chess game. Bruce also tries to impound Bobby Fischer into Josh. In one of the scenes, Bruce tries to teach Josh how to feel contempt to his opponent as this was how Bobby Fischer played. Josh unable to hate someone despite his desire to win, compound with the mounting pressure for his to keep winning finally throws a match and goes into withdrawal from chess. Josh father realizing his error of putting too much pressure on Josh to win, decides to let Josh be a 7 year old kid that he is instead of the chess prodigy he wants his son to be. Bruce meanwhile after some self reflection, realizes Josh will always be Josh and not Bobby Fischer. Despite that, he express to Josh that he is his most prized student and have been honored to be able to be called his mentor. Josh finally faces of with his rival and plays his own kind of chess which plays with the tenacity of Bobby Fischer but with the spirit and heart of Josh Waitzkin.

What I like so much about the movie is the conflict that Josh goes thru. On one hand, he is trained to be aggresive and trust his guts by Vinnie as in speed chess, one really plays by instinct. On the other hand, Bruce trains him to play calculatingly by logic. In the end, Josh plays with both teaching of Vinnie and Bruce (While Vinnie's teaching sorta handicap him in a normal chess game).

Anyway, I played chess in competition before in High School and can tell you it's far from a boring calculating game. I get cold hands when I play these kinda matches those days and still do today. When you lock horns with you opponent, everything fades away... Just you, your opponent and the chessboard inbetween you. One wrong move, and it could be over... Yet at the same time, despite all the advantage you built, your opponent could refuse to budge and drag the game into a willpower marathon where you need to constantly make the correct move to earn the win.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012 0 b*tchin

Breaks my heart

Dear bloggie,

I thought I was over her... But all it took was a smile for my heart to bleed again...
Monday, March 12, 2012 0 b*tchin

Waiter Rule

Dear bloggie,

Actually I heard this theory before, quite some time ago... But I heard it on the radio today, so I decided to blog my thoughts on it.

What is the waiter rule? According to wikipedia:

The Waiter Rule refers to a common belief that ones true character can be gleaned from how one treats staff or service workers, such as a "waiter". The rule was one of William H Swanson's 33 Unwritten Rules of Management, copied from Dave Barry's version "If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person."

I seen my share of people who are "really" rude towards waiters. You can argue some of these waiters had it coming, but how true is this waiter rule?

Take a instance where I wat standing behind a malay guy at Popeye's. The guy ordered a fried fish set, and eventually he suddenly started to throw some rather rude remark to the waiter... Why? No tartar sauce. I still recall "How can you eat fish without tartar sauce? I eaten fish all over the world, not just here but I never been served with fish without tartar sauce". And the waiter show his muka bosan, trying to keep his anger intact while getting some tartar for the customer. Frankly speaking, I really had the urge at that moment to tell the tartar sauce addict to go eat his fish with some of his sperm sauce instead... It's just too much, to talk so condescending to someone for just some tartar sauce. And frankly speaking, I don't think they usually give tartar sauce for their fish set anyway unless you request for it.

Another instance is when I was having a team dinner with my co-workers. Eventually we planned to go Chili's but we had quite a huge number of people to fit into 1 table. So we request to combine 2 table together. Suffice to say, we got rejected. Eventually they got upset and ask to talk to the manager. Ironic, the guy who rejected our request is the manager. Now, from a neutral party perceptive, the 2 table we requested to join were actually side by side table, meaning even if we join the table, we won't be blocking anyone. Eventually we walked out of the Chili's and went to Tony Roma instead while complaining about the lack of "customer is always right".

How do I treat waiters? Well, for me it depends. Most cases, I will treat they as if someone equal to me. I don't feel like I should be treated like a King by these waiters. They are after all, like us all... Same human being...
Sunday, March 11, 2012 0 b*tchin

Kiss my knee

Dear bloggie,

Yea... Finally I can kiss my knee... :)

Wat is in blazes am I talking about...?


(Janu Sirsasana)

After more than 2 years, I can finally place my chin on my knee. Of course I could onli do this with assistance of my hand, ie: Need my hand to grab my feet to pull my chin to my knee. Still unable to do it without aid from hand. My right side seems more flexible, as I can place my chin on my knee and my hand can grip each other infront of the feet. My left side is stiffer, can still knee to chin but will really feel the stretch... and can onli do it with hand grabbing with feet and not grabbing each other.

Also seen some improvement on this pose...


(Parivrtta Janu Sirsasana)

While my elbow can't touch the floor, but I managed to get my upper hand to touch my feet for my right side. My left side can touch the feet but my chest still can't turn properly to the ceiling, so the instructor told me to grab my thumb instead of my feet (the down hand will grab the toe and will let the thumb up so the upper hand can grab it, make it easier) as it's more essential to get the chest to twist to the ceiling.

Still can't do a split though... Still sangkut midway, my hips still can open for my butt to touch the floor.


(Hanumanasana)

However I'm rather surprise at my new found flexibility as it seem my progress seem to plateau for quite sometime before 1-2 months ago, I discovered I could get my chin closer and closer to my knee before finally making contact with it for a brief period. Then I could make sustain the contact longer and to my current stage.

My next aim would be this...


(Paschimottanasana)

Is harder compared to the 1 leg one...
0 b*tchin

U sux

Dear bloggie,

During my latest appraisal, my boss told me "U Sux"...

Well, she didn't say explicitly but I can paham paham la... Frankly speaking, probably the worst appraisal I endured in my career.

I'm far from the model worker, but heck... I complete most of my task on time. I always hold the belief that as long I can do that, I can always be the average performance worker. Guess I was wrong.

I got shoot for my work attitude. Eventually, she said I draw a too strict line for responsibility. And example was when I found a certain shortcoming in the system, I merely raise it to the PO. She say I didn't see through the issue, by ensuring the QA log tat shortcoming and etc. Also she say I don't update the wiki I wrote 1/2 year ago. This one really stunned me coz I never expected I was given ownership over the lousy wiki I can assigned to write. I thought it was a one write deal... No one told me I was to update it over time... Considering how many wikis (by the big shots programmers) that are also left outdated, I'm rather taken aback by this particular comment. Finally, she say I also didn't go aid in maintenance of the product built and CQ (Code Quality). I always assumed it's the role of whoever that commits to take care they don't break the built but seems she expect me to also look into it when other people break the built. As for CQ, I dunno wat to say also cause if she really go and checkout how many PMD and Checkstyle sh*t I cleanup, I doubt she would be saying tis to me but yes, I admit I don't "usually" cleanup other people components...

Then I also got shot for being too passive. She say I don't really fight for any user story during planning. I don't fight because the story are typically the same thing, component printing, add new text field, add validation, add checkbox... I'm unable to really motivate myself to fight for such tasks. It seems she wants me to fight for those big user story with high impact which she usually assigns to the seniors. If you want me to take up this story, just assign it to me lor... If you don't tell me, how I know u want me to step up and pickup this stories considering these stories are usually assigned to the seniors? I also got rapped for not asking question on domain which I don't understand. This I admit, I'm guilty... I long gave up trying to understand the whole pile of interaction between 3-4 products with their different lingo and technology used.

Lastly, I got fried for my over dependence on the acceptance criteria. She say I do my work mainly based on it and don't really clarify things. I too spoon fed... I was under the impression that it's the PO's or whoever in charge to prepare this acceptance criteria (My prev team lead refuses to do anything that is not in written in the acceptance criteria). After all, our developer works will be done based on this criteria. While I admit, some minor details will be added into the criteria due discoveries that developers found during development, but I still think the main chunk of acceptance criteria should be written before development rather then added during development time. She relates this to a incident where a component was added with a state combo box. The acceptance criteria was attached with only the new xml deployment for the new state. The PO send me some sample files but being the lazy jerk I'm, I asked the PO if there are any changes to the old state and was given a "no" answer, so I didn't look beyond the new deployment state. I'm kicking myself for not better covering cahcheng as it was done casually in messenger with no history record. Yet again, I doubt even if I shown the history to my team lead, I would not be blamed for properly checking the old state deployment xml myself.

So after a long winding indirect "U Sux" appraisal... She brought up the fact skill wise I'm ok. Most task thrown at me is delivered in time thought she say I can improve my code quality.

Finally to end the review, She told me she is giving me a 3/5 for performance but she say it more closer to a 2/5. In short she giving me 3/5 out of kesian. I have rather mixed feelings at that moment... A part of my feel like resigning while another pathetic self actually feel grateful for her kesian.

I admit I might be too emotional at the moment on shifting the blame. I don't deny I might be at fault as well, but I'd be lying to say I'm happy. However I have gave my word I would try to rectified my faults, so I would try fulfill my promise... If in 1/2 year she still ain't satisfy, I have decided to just resign. Guess the prediction for dog this year is rather true... Bad...
Friday, March 2, 2012 0 b*tchin

Little liar

Dear bloggie,

Human are the only being that lie.

Lies to deceive people, lies to benefit oneself, and lies to protect one's own heart from the threat of crushing loneliness and sorrow.

If there were no lies in this world, much strife and misunderstanding would surely disappear.

On the other hand, perhaps it is because this world is a mixture of truth and lies that people have learned how to "believe".

Quoted from "Lost Odyssey"...
Thursday, March 1, 2012 0 b*tchin

Lost Oddyssey

Dear bloggie,

I was slackin in my ofis today when I ran across a very interesting game...



Claimed by some as the should be Final Fantasy 13... It's a game developed by the original creator of Final Fantasy, Hironobu Sakaguchi and also featured the amazing Nobuo Uematsu in the music department.

The gameplay is more of the old school FF, menu based + random encounter. However it's the storyline which really caught my attention. Apparently the main hero, Kaim is an immortal that have lived for more than 1,000 years. But here's the real twist, having lived for so long, he has come to forgotten so many of his past memories. There's a blur distinction between life, memories and dreams for Kaim as he no longer knows which is which.

This plot, reminded me of a essay I read during in my Form 3 English workbook which was on "Describe a world where everyone can live forever.". Normally, a expected way one writer would tackle this title was to write a "Fantasy Happily Ever After Fairytale" on being able to live forever. The sample essay written by a superbly talented writer (I kowtow), takes a darker view on immortality. Being able to live forever means one get to view many joys, but at the same time one also has to view many sadness.

The story starts with the writer portraying himself climbing a tall mountain. Reaching the top of the mountain, the writer unload some earth from his backpack on to the mountain. The writer then narrates that humanity has achieved immortality (sort of) as the gene that makes us age was found and removed. Hence we no longer can die due to age. All was well as no one need die anymore, but a problem quickly arises. With no one dying, the human population spiral out of control and this resulted in a problem with earth limited resources. With no more option, death (one can't die onli due to age) was made a sentence for many crimes. Finally however, a solution was found, outer space... Most of the human migrated out of Earth except a few including the writer. The story returns to the writer when his watch beeps and reminds him, that's today is his birthday. It' was then revealed that the mountain that he now stand ontop was built by him, by piling earth he carry up one at a time over time. He setup a small cake n a candle to celebrate his birthday and ends the story after blowing the candle by asking himself "Can't remember my age, can't remember my name... Can't remember what I'm living for..."

Sorta dig this immortality stories not because it shows how fun being a immortal is, but rather how one need not be a immortal to be happy, one need simply need to live at the present moment...