Dear bloggie,
Yea, finally have everything I need for this Thurday's do
AND die mission. Had to rope in a few advisers to ask on the practically of this mission. Some say too early stage to do such as stunt, while others say it's a usable approach as long the gift is not overpriced. With 2 bullets already missing the mark by a long mile, I was told 3 times is the max one would usually disgrace themselves before gracefully backing off, so this is third rejection would make my failure complete.
Managed to
con get a gal ex work colleague to help me pick the Xmas present. Lucky got gal aid, else I would have bought a soft toy or something "uniquely odd" de. Entered all those shop I usually would avoid like the plague, gal perfume shop, gal clothes boutique, etc... -_-' Would feel definitely out of place if I wandering in alone but got gal don't feel so odd. Bought a safe buy, a small pouch (Other stuff considered was a Xmas decoration doll (useless and doesn't really doesn't express my intentions) & perfume (too pricey) )... Too bad had to settle for a less preffered design as the preferred design ran out of stock (Seen 2 preferred designs pouch but didn't buy to check out out other shops and when returned got sold out >_<). Really SUX as really got difference is the design (and price tag as well)...
I still trying to preparing myself for failure outcomes, as another monk brother has pointed out possibles failure scenarios that could really hurt my ego. Consider for instance, getting a return exchange present from her as sign of friendship. Or worst, coming to office on Friday morning and discovering my gift returned on my desk...
Most worrying for me however is can I keep myself in check and walk away gracefully after getting hit again by the train. As my ex colleague advise, the chances of success maybe slim, but it's better to confirm rather than just let if hang in doubt. Being a monk that have been drunk in depression for god damn knows how many years, I tend to say "Sometimes some things are best left unconfirmed, at least you can have happy thoughts of what good things might happen if", "No gain, no pain", "Ignorance is bliss", etc... Still somehow, I have this uncontrollable urge to throw myself at the mercy of another and experience a 3rd rejection, a urge I can't control with any of my farked up logic. Perhaps this is wat people call as desire, lust or maybe desperation?
Now still trying to plan the last few logistic details for this mission. I can wait her till she balik then ambush her then or I can simply message her to wait for me when she balik then approach her then. Both approach are flawed, the former risk having missed her when she balik and is sort of stalkerish (like suke's Valentine 1 layu rose stunt) while the later loses the element of "hey, I just "randomly" bump into u", might also put her in alert mode since I suddenly message her asking her such odd request and also she might reject my request to message me back when she balik, risking failure to the mission before it even started -_-" (This will REALLY hurt my ego!)...
Maybe I'm over analyzing things like MFR say, I tend to do that when I outta my "Zen" state of mind (Or rather "Slacker" state of mind, or when I actually got utilize my brain to think). KISS is what I'm trying to do here. Not kiss her, but rather find a "Keep It Simple Stupid" approach that works. As my 2nd failure taught me, sometimes just need to lose all the corny opening lines and be direct. Need a nice customized blend to meet the customer's taste bud... Too corny and indirect, might farked up the message, too direct might put her on alarm mode. Sadly this has no formula that I can use like e = mc^2 and one have to depends on one's instinct, feelings and just be brave to drive the ship blindly home...
Finally, some would wonder why am I blogging about this pre disaster planning here? I'm doing this so I can remember it clearly. The effort, the emotion, the sohainess of one that fallen to their desire. Desire is the root of suffering, so I want to etched how my suffering started with a simple give a xmas gift thing. Yea, also bloggin about it cause I got nothing better to blog about lately and it serves as a pretty good depressing + lonely + sohai Xmas entry for this blog, noes?
Besides, a pretty good setup post for the annual XMas song I'm gonna repost here on Xmas noes?
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