Dear bloggie,
Got rapped by my "elders" when they discovered I'm spending 5K for pilates instructor course... Not unexpected really... Always talk c0ck to other bout when "money get de, if not spend is do wat with it", but when I spend my dough kena tembak... 5K!!! Wat kinda gym need so much $$$!!!? Tis not aided by the some quite old debts and investments tat still no returns...
Really overspend last month... Tried to do too much things in one month. Pilates class at 2 studios, SG trip and pre requisite pilates instructor course... Really bad timing... *Sigh* Suddenly the whole idea of getting myself certified seems like a folly idea. Chasing a dream? If I fail, it will be like dumping the $$$ into the sea.
I ponder how those that took the certification feel when they forked up that amount to take the chance to chase a dream? No pain, no gain... But life isn't a fairy tale... Not everyone will achieve their dreams... Some people are just destined to fall (like tis monk)... I like to believe that I come to tis junction, this choice, this point in life by fate... Should I take this leap of faith? Why do I already see myself failing the exam before I even taken the course? Yet if I don't do this tis time, I feel like I might not have the chance to do it again.
Some will call me a "loser", cause I'm so afraid of losing that I don't even try... But being burnt so many times for trying to achieve something, I have to say sometimes it's better to have no dream at all then to see your dreams crash and burnt in spectacular fireworks manner...
This year haven't been the best for me, no bonus, no gal, no muscle gain, depressed work environment, broken self principle, injured leg, weakened shoulder, high blood problem... Sort of makes me wonder, what disaster awaits me in this so called bad year for "Doggies" like me. I'm probably at my lowest point in morale this whole year around. I thought I hit rock bottom last year when my idiotic attempts to find a mate ends with me getting road kill in a one way road... Hahaha... Didn't knew that seeing someone you like with someone else is worst.
Already a walking pile of failure, depression and gloom, rarely is there something that makes me feel alive anymore now days and I'm thankful that I have pilates to counter some of the negative thing inside of me. But should I fail, I fear my passion for it would turn into hatred and sadness, hence I might end up going for pilates anymore. Desire = Suffering they say. I really dunno if I can pick myself up again if I fall chasing this dream. Or maybe it's just me... A spineless and low EQ loser...
"Why do we fall sir? So we might learn to pick ourselves up" - Alfred, Batman Begins
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