Wednesday, September 29, 2010 1 b*tchin

Sunshine?

Dear bloggie,

After the pretty heavy rainfall last week, finally I see some sunlight coming from behinds the dark clouds.

Yesterday, someway, somehow, manage to complete my components on time. Today QA day, QA posted some bugs from my components. One was a bug while another seem to be version issue, as she seem to be getting an older version of the component hence the problem. With the team leader aid, managed to solve one bug, hopefully tomolo when QA get newer built with solve the other bug. Then I can concentrate on my demo next monday + slack. Abit worried on this sprint as my component really a f*ckin complicated sh*t compared to other components I did in earlier sprints. 3 Components, 1 totally not scared, 1 I worried due to the template I using I scared not compatible with the QA test version and this complicated sh*t component, rather a lot of deployment forms one.

Anyway, had my last and final probation review today. After having 2 so-so reviews (3/5 for most aspect), I was half expecting another so-so rating from my team lead, but surprisingly got a good rating instead (4/5). In past reviews, I only received "Technical able", "Willing to take initiative to speak to PO to confirm things.", "Communication need improvement", but tis time around got stunned by "Fast Learner", "Willing to take more responsibilities", "Communicate with team members, PO and QA", "Autonomous", ""... I was like WTF happen? Mistaken me for someone else de ka? Yet team lead still pointed out my communication still need work. Now I think about it, maybe my team leader purposely say good things so I accept the offer onli one...

Anyway, HR seem satisfied with my team lead review and told me, I will receive my confirmation letter in 1-2 days. I was like O_O... So fast...?

Personally, I'm dun really care bout this confirmation, what mainly matters is $ got up or not.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010 0 b*tchin

Ice kacang puppy love

Dear bloggie,

"Mouthful of shaven ice under the hot scorching sun that almost burns your mouth; the sweet and cold icy feeling that melts before you could even really taste it. Remember the feeling of first love or what we call 'Puppy Love'? Sweet yet bitter and it hurts sometimes when your heart is broken, before you could even capture the moment... all that is left behind are heartbreaking memories..."



Not the best film, but a great effort by Malaysian cast and film makers...
Monday, September 27, 2010 0 b*tchin

Sial

Dear bloggie,

Damn sial today... After parking at road side for almost 3 months, today kena saman... CB! Really kane traffic police... Probably see the HP area empty, so come saman all the row of cars parking at (typically empty) roadside. Niamah... I dunno why always these bunch of kera like to saman cars that park nicely at roadside instead of those cars that park like sohai causing jam elsewhere... Really sial...

Somemore my 1 month + old glasses the nose holder part screw loose, drop out. Damn parai... Dunno can find replacement for such small part for glasses ar not.

When it rains, it pours la....
Sunday, September 26, 2010 0 b*tchin

Magnolia

Dear bloggie,

Drawn to tis movie's tagline...

"Things fall down. People look up. And when it rains, it pours"



And "No Pussy has Nine Lives" !?



Holy SH*T!!

0 b*tchin

Why does it always rain on me?

Dear bloggie,

Yea, the weather was nice. The heavy rain has stopped awhile ago. The air was cooling, the sun was 1/2 down into the golden sky horizon. A nice evening for a jog, I thought.

I "henshin" into my running gear and *poof*... Into the wild. Upon reaching my usually joggin track, I discover 1/2 of the track was flooded. Fag! I tried improvising and running on the smaller area that wasn't flooded, no syok... Potong stim, coz too short and can't run with autopilot mode... Decided to run into housing area instead. Haven't done tat before, so ran into the housing area behind my house. On the way running to the area, it started to rain slightly. At that moment I felt someone asking me "Why does it always rain on me?" So drenched in sweat and slight rain drops, I fasten my pace and ran my way back to my home.

I ponder why sometimes things like tis happens? Jatuh ditimpa tangga... Less happy things happening continually. Coincidence? Big G being humor? Or just results of my own choices? My morale is pretty low at the moment. Totally unprepared for another bruising week. Work dateline, Probation final review, Demo, etc... I feel like I need another year, maybe more than that just to recover from the latest strings of event...

Even going for gym classes makes me depressed to a certain degree, the mind/body studio is a constant reminder to myself of how I let my fears of failure prevented me from taking a chance and enrolling in the instructors training course. Watching young hopeful trainee in class for the next few week, will most likely further depress me...

Anyway, my parents are on vacation to Hat Yai, Thailand for a few days. Home alone again, the depressing mood when I was also home alone last Xmas resurfaces. The thought of spending another depressing Xmas like last year sends a shiver down my spine. I guess when one's at my age, we somehow able to gaze upon our mortality better...

On the end of the tunnel, hopefully... Skytrex Big Thrill awaits me this Sunday... However what kinda of mindset will I be in on tat day? I will definitely be celebrating something... Either the confirmation of my job, or regained freedom due to lost of job. But will I walk with the burden of yet another string of failures upon my back?
Saturday, September 25, 2010 0 b*tchin

EMO

Dear bloggie,

Very emo post... Skip if u dun wanna read a self pity loser b*tchin on how depressing his life can sometimes be...

It's rather "FUNNY", now that I think about it. How could I not see this coming... Doing the same mistake, time after time after time again. Never learn do I. Perhaps I was blinded by my new found positive energy gained from gymin.

Depressingly really, how sometimes I feel like I could change, I could be different, and then reality comes like a ton of brick behind my shoulders...

Forgot to see myself in the mirror like most hardcore gymers do after their workout, looking for the smallest spec of change in their physical. If I had, I could have realized the fact...

People can't change, they can pretend/think/imagine they changed but they can never change their inner self.

I'm a rock... Always have been, always will be...
0 b*tchin

Hurt

Dear bloggie,

I think I posted tis song in my old bloggie a long, long time ago... Back when I don't even know who da f*ck was Johny Cash, and all I saw in this video was an old depressed man that was "hurt"...

Guess I made one BIG circle...



Hurt - Johny Cash

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Thursday, September 23, 2010 0 b*tchin

Busy, busy, busy

Dear bloggie,

Quite alot of things happened lately... Too tired/lazy to blog on it. Mostly work things...

Hard to imagine in a week time, will already be 3 months since I worked at my new company. So fast time fly by... Sorta reminds me of my first company probation time also. Anyway, my company organized it's staff meeting last Tuesday. No much interesting thing, but seems the company is doing quite well except for the US branch. The company share also seem to risen up by around 30%, but since I not eligible for the share, SUX...

Also, the 1st lightning talk was held yesterday. Practically, anyone can go give a 5 minutes talk on anything tech related. As u can expect, I was snoozing while a bunch of hardcore programmers was ranting about how keng la tis language, how tiu la some people that use so many "if" statement in their code coz dunno how to use strategy design pattern, how to "Hypothesis Testing" (Dunno wtf it is also), blablabla... Onli good thing in my book, was free pizza to eat.

Kane, today lagi sial. Another monthly review. Crap man... Done like 3 de (+ tis one) so far, tis 31 another one. F*CK man, I initially thought was reviewed by HR ppl, mana tau is by a kwai lou that is above tis department head. Instead of he review me, he ask me review the company. Most questions did ok, except for how to improve the company question. Dunno wat to suggest, so say no idea at the moment. Lasted 15 minutes, dunno good or not.

Work wise, finally hit a tough task. Task is not tough actually but the condition make the task tough. In mid sprint, requirement change and the base application that we writing program to generate the configuration file for change the configuration files settings. So can imagine, like cut development 1/2 to finish task. Also tis round, I need demo to kwai lou my module... *Sigh*... However not all so bad, as have to say had quite a rather stimulating moment, when the team gather to discuss a solution/workaround on a problem I had in my module. The different stance and ideas discussed, you can really see la, hardcore programmers. In the end, after all the nice OO design, the solution I ended up using was a simple hack solution provided by my team lead...

Since I need demo my module, my team lead ask me ask QA how to test the module. So I had to communicate quite alot with my QA. Hahaha, now got at least got a gal to chat with in office de... Today was also supposed to be team lunch, but got postpone as we got a tight deadline to meet. Probably rescheduled to next week, or after this spring ends, ie: end of this month.
Monday, September 20, 2010 0 b*tchin

Can't sleep

Dear bloggie,

It been quite a long time since I can't sleep at night. A bit depressed because of need go back to work in 3-4 hours time..

Really depressed because I have to play this rat maze game for the rest of my life. Work sometimes I feel is like a form of slavery. I know comparing slavery with work is a bit extreme since slavery conditions is really far worst, but what I'm referring to is the bondage of the human spirit. It's like we're hookers, selling a part of our self for moolah. Selling our dreams, our freedom, our free will...

Is it worth it? I dunno... Not anymore...

In a world where money dictates most thing, we humans have indirectly becomes slaves to our own desire, or more exact, greed. Money makes the world go round they say. I used to believe that money isn't everything. Now, I dunno anymore... Maybe it doesn't but it very close to doing so...

My arguments were:

Can money buy u life? No, but it can buy u the best medical attention.
Can money buy u love? No, but is love enough in most relationships?
Can money buy u dreams or happiness? No, but it can give one a disillusion of obtaining em.

I used to think in the younger days, I'll be happy settling for a average pay job that as long makes me happy is enough. I realize how naive I was back then. Logic apply, why do job gives one a salary? Simple, cause if they don't give u one, no one would be willing to do it. Applying this logic, I think most job falls inside this category.

We work and work, yearning and thinking one day, maybe we would earn enough dough that I can retire from this shit we have to subject our self to. But reality is harsh, we are after all slaves to our own desire/greed. We work our arse to the max, we get a nice fat cheque at the end of the month, a portion goes to pay our loans, our living cost, etc...

The balance, we use to spoil our self getting "that thing" we always wanted. We get it with the thinking, I deserve it coz I worked my f*ckin arse for it. I know the feeling of spending this hard earned money, it feels great. But I sometimes ponder, why do I need to spend money to be happy? And it's such times, I feel something is seriously f*cked up... I get myself unhappy working my arse for some $, then get myself happy again by spending this $? I'm already confused...

Yet, coming back to the topic of being slave to the system. I ponder what if this rat maze system one day collapsed. Would we be better off without it or worst?
Sunday, September 19, 2010 0 b*tchin

~Oh life, it's bigger...

Dear bloggie,

Heard these classics on the radio,







Sure brings back memories...
Saturday, September 18, 2010 0 b*tchin

Kamen Rider Blade

Dear bloggie,

Was rewatching Kamen Rider Blade when I stumble into this...



WTF!?

Compare to the original OP, have to say the feel totally different...



The singing feels like more fast pace in Japo.... The canto version sounds... well... like canto pop...

Anyway, rewatching Blade and and have to say, forgot how action packed it was... Arguably the best 2nd generation Kamen Rider series in terms of overall package: story wise, action and powerups...
Friday, September 17, 2010 0 b*tchin

Rainy Morning

Dear bloggie,

I luv raining mornings...

The slightly cold breeze,
the dark skies,
the sound of raindrops pinging the roof...
Thursday, September 16, 2010 0 b*tchin

Malaysian Day

Dear bloggie,

Walau eh, what an eventful Malaysia day. I kicked off tis superb day by a forceful reboot early morning. Then rush off going to yoga class, was a bit late. Anyway, pair yoga again, too bad got super flexible uncle in the class... didn't get to pair up with any chick, T_T. Get to play with a new yoga props though, sorta like a long straps thingy. Put tis straps at the "bra line" (Pls, anyone enlighten me where the f*ck izt! Niaseng) on the back, then u do a cobra pose while ur partner place their leg on ur front delts and pull the straps, pushing u back into a more deeper cobra pose. Here's a rough sketch on the proper way to do tis pose, assuming ur partner is a gal...



Hands pull the straps a bit,
Leg push against the shoulder a bit
Eyes focus on the chick's asset's bra line area a bit

After a rather tiring session, when home and

Zzz...

Slept till awaken awhile ago... Wat an awesome way to utilize a free day *Sigh*
Thursday, September 9, 2010 0 b*tchin

Unbalance Balance

Dear bloggie,

A ex-collegue once (or not long ago) asked me how is work life at my current co. Well, as another of my ex-collegue answered for me, "It's totally unbalance". Yea, how true... It's so balance, you sorta feel it damn unbalanced.

As they say, if you have it, flaunt it... So here I'm a b*tchin bout how I work for onli 1/2 day today. Yesterday already got email declaring 3pm can cabut if no urgent work at hand, or meeting, or etc. Anyway, since team leader was himself balik kampung raya de, in indirect SCRUM stand up (in messenger) today, I jokingly said "Yesterday, I was in sprint planning. Today, I plan to vanish at 3pm." (I hope server no keep history else tuesday team leader join chat room again will see my post). Very holiday mood de everyone in office. So around 3pm, still no big people cabut, so had to wait... wait, wait, wait... a few people leave... Nia seng betul! Wait till MFR posted a KCKL crap in yahoo messenger, decided to die, die la... Tag out of office at 3.15pm. Drove like a madman to GYM, attend my favorite instructor class, too bad late 30 minutes de. Workout like 20 minutes onli since 10 remaining minutes is savasana (meditation and rest). Yea, I f*ckin missed tis class! Best 30 minutes I had in gym for quite awhile de.

Anyway, since I flaunt my 1/2 day de, now I think I will flaunt my Monday is declared as replacement leave by my company too. Hahahaha.... Really too balance, that it's unbalanced...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010 0 b*tchin

W00t!

Dear bloggie,



Received tis a few days back via mail. Wanted to b*tch about it, but due to over exhaustion didn't managed to do so. Pretty c00l certificate, at least better photo finish then last year one...
0 b*tchin

OOO

Dear bloggie,



// TOBLOG

Very Den-Oish
Sunday, September 5, 2010 1 b*tchin

Calipers

Dear bloggie,

I spoil myself again and burnt a hole in my wallet again by buying this today:



No! This ain't a forceps but it's a sex fitness toy called caliper. In case u wondering, I'm using tis to calculate my "thing" size. How to use it? Easy, just pinch "it" HARD and then put the caliper on the pinch and press a bit hard on the calipers to clip it. Then wala, u can read the measurement on the calipers to get ur "thing" size. Maybe I still n00b at using this calipers la, but I got pretty small measurements for my "thing".

Btw, the "thing" I refering to here is my skinfold lor... WTF u think I measuring wor?

Jokes asides, why do I measure my skinfold? I measuring my skinfold so I can calculate roughly my fat %. As you may or may not know, in body building the common way to measure progress is to calculate how much muscle u gain. A common mistake people do when they trying to calculate muscle gain, they use weight scale to compare their body weight before and after.

See, if I eat bah kut teh for 1 month for breakfast + lunch + dinner then no exercise and (if I no die la) I obviously will gain weight one mah. Then can I say "Walau eh, I gain 3-4kg of muscle just by eating pig like a pig and sleeping like a pig" [Imagine a fat version of me with a HUGE BOUNCY 1 pack abs flexing my muscle like the Hulk here]

To more accurately calculate muscle gain, one needs to calculate weight then subtract ur fat to get ur muscle mass. Then u compare ur muscle mass from prev weighting to see if increase or decrease. So how do you calculate your fat? There is several ways, one of em is the skinfold method which uses the caliper to roughly estimate your fat %. To get a estimate of your fat %, you need measure the skinfold at several parts of your body then insert these values into a formula.

So what is my fat %? That unfortunately is my secret... And one more fun fact, typically for those gunning for a 6 pack, the fat % is a quite important indicator as for male, often one need to go down to 1 digit figure for fat % for your abs to be even visible.
Saturday, September 4, 2010 0 b*tchin

The joy of partnering

Dear bloggie,

Yea, been to a quite a number of classes that need pair up to do poses/exercises. Typically it's a good way to befriend someone new. I paired up with quite a lot of peoples de from both gender (but not yet anyone from the in between gender), different sizes, races, etc.

It's quite a nice change to pair up to do some exercises instead of doing it solo. Typically, most pairing exercises I gone to focuses on one person. This means one person will be doing the exercise, while his/her partner will aid this person get a better stretch or correct form. Another is both also do pose together one with somewhere both aid each other to get deeper into the pose. While I rarely see male and female partnering up (except for couple and bf/gf), I do occasionally see random male and female stranger partnering up. For such partnering, this is great chance to some physical contact. For me, the part I often get to touch is people's sweaty hands and people's smelly legs/foot.

Anyway, since my long intro on exercise partner is done, here is my main story. Yesterday la, I went to pilates class. I was 1/2 asleep in meditation pose as I came straight from work and endured around 40 minutes of Body Balance class, so abit worn out physically and mentally. The main regulars were MIA, dunno where, the instructor was reading book infront. Then a 3B Dude (Big, Bald & Black) came into the class. My first impression was this guy looks like a gay. I didn't really bother with him since he pulled his mat to the front, far far away from where I was (back row). 1/2 awake, I notice a movement, this dude was walking to me. I thought he wanna go out the class, but then he squat beside me. I play my favorite pose, "My mind is not really here" poker face.

Next I know, this guy asked me...

"Wanna go for a drink?" (If tis really happen, I will straight do a 100m sprint outta the gym)

"How is this class one?" (Pls imagine a girly voice)

I looked at this dude for a few seconds, and for a brief moment was wondering if I mistaken him/her/it for a guy... "It" was wearing listick somemore, Walan eh... Why I never get approach by leng lui chicks, why attract tis kinda thing one... CB! Anyway, I thought of answering "it" question with a carbon copy of the instructor's opening intro speech to pilates which is "We mainly work the core to improve posture." but since I wan to impose an anti social feel wall around myself, I answered "Ok la, you want a proper description, you can ask the instructor infront there". Kick the ball to the instructor... LOL...

Anyway the guy say never mind la, but asked if this class was tough or etc. Since tis is a rather hard to answer question, as tough or not tough depends on several variables one mah. 1st if the person has strong core, if strong not tough la, if no exercise one, mampus la. 2nd, this kinda classes usually is multi level, means the instructor will give 2-3 options for one to challenge urself, so it's really tough or no tough, depends on urself one. But I since I dun wan waste my time give tis grandma answer to him, I give a neutral answer, "Average". Lucky he went back to his place after I answer him.

So class started, and as the instructor did his routine intro (Hi, I'm XXX. We will mainly work on the core to improve posture. Pain on blablabla..). Oddly the main regulars missing, so the class drop a notch down in toughness. Learn a few new things, such as the core muscle consist of TIER



T = Transverse Abdonimis (I think is inner most core muscle)
I = Internal Oblique
E = External Oblique
R = Rectus Abdonimis (6 Pack muscle)

Also learn how to activate the abs muscle to get better strength and stability during workout.

So back to story, do workout 1/2 way. The instructor decided to do some partnering. Sh*t! I realized got 3 batang students in the class. Amkhan liao, I thought. Lucky for me, the instructor want to demo need a student. Since his regular demo student MIA today, and since he know I quite okay in core strength, ask me up the stage be his puppet. Wah damn lucky! Escape! 2-3 partner exercise, back to normal exercise. No incident since, hope won't be seeing 3B next next week.

End of partnering story. Or so I think. Today morning, went to yoga class. 1/2 way class, again... partnering yoga. 3 Batang again. Lucky not like 3B one. Seem all the opposite sex one not open enough to pair with me, so the instructor ask me to take turns do pose with the other 2 batang. 2nd exercise, the instructor needed someone taller than her to demo, by luck I somehow was chosen. Now, partnering with a instructor is often a win-win, especially if the instructor is a leng lui, since you don't have to really worry bout the other partner screwing up. But since I partner with this instructor before, I know she can really push you into the stretch one. Yea, pull my hamstring to the max. In front of the stage some more, everyone seeing my leg hamstring shaking like earthquake. After release the pose, I walking abit goyang, some people were laughing. 3rd exercise, again... this time coz I tall and and am most light weight among the talls one (Tall skinny runt T_T). Do the back lift thing. I abit worried I would kemek her if her strength karput but she managed to lift my body on her back. The class was clapping. Wow, the tale of how the petite yoga instructor managed to lift a "baldin" tall skinny runt would be a tale forever remembered in the history of tis yoga class.

So is partnering fun? I have to say most of the time "Yes". Just hope u dun get paired up with a 3B...
Thursday, September 2, 2010 0 b*tchin

Sick like a dog

Dear bloggie,

I hate being sick. Joints ache, eye sore, neck pain, sore throat, cough, lack of strength, muscle not flexible, no sex drive... Sux...
0 b*tchin

Thanatos

Dear bloggie,

"I am Happy. Because I want to die, I want to despair, I want to return to nothing." - Rei Ayanami, Neon Genesis Evangelion.
0 b*tchin

Wake me up when Sept ends...

Dear bloggie,

It's Sept so...



Wake me up when Sept ends - Green Day

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
7 years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
20 years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends