Uncertainty

Dear bloggie,

After almost 1/2 year of freelancing, I finally hit the "Uncertainty" stage. Times aren't so good right now, as a few project having problem... Especially in paying up the $$$... While on the short run, this shouldn't be posing any problem has I already allocated some fund for such scenario... It however does strike fear in my heart to face such uncertainty...

To be confronted with the fact that I am without a stable source of income.... I however ponder what has changed in me through these few years though. Have I become so fixated on this rat race that I forgotten the uncertainty has always been there to begin with. While it's unwise to not plan for the future, it's unwise too to try to plan too far ahead into the future. I learn and know that nothing is really permanent, our life, our wealth, our body, our principles and even our knowledge, all it takes is one small tiny second and these things we hold so tightly and dear can *Poof* vanish into thin air. Like how I almost couldn't have made it here today to blog on this...

I try to remind myself to embrace uncertainty, to go salsa dancing with it, to make love with it, for permanence is an illusion. An illusion that our mind create out of fear of losing something important to us...

What has been the main barrier that block our human potential from reaching its limit? The answer for this question lies within another question which is, What is the more common trait in human, Fear or Laziness? Hence I making an effort to feel the fear I have on my future right now, to accept this feeling... And then just let go of it... Like in the zazen meditation, accepts the thoughts that surface during meditation, acknowledge them, then let them go, and bring ur mind back into focus on ur breathing... When another thought surface again, repeat and rinse...