Fear

Dear bloggie,

Do I have wat it takes to be a pilates instructor? Sometimes I feel confident, sometimes I feel so lacking, sometimes I feel so motivated... A complex flux of emotions coursing thru my mind...

My self confidence stems from my almost 2 years of practicing pilates... U do something long, u got some confidence. But lately, having been exposed to other parts of pilates especially exercises which uses props... I'm starting to have doubt. I been doing it for quite sometime, but doing it frequently doesn't mean I'm good at doing it. I fear I lack the level required to even enroll to be an instructor. A good teacher as they say is someone that knows what one is gonna teach, and a little bit more on what one is gonna teach. How can one teach something that I can't do to begin with? And there the soft skill part of being a instructor as well. The ability to "communicate" with clients. Not only instruction to do the exercise, but normal chit-chat with clients to market oneself as an instructor. Do I have these skills within me? I doubt it... Can I give instruction, Yes... Can I chit chat with strangers, as an introvert I dunno...

I realized my lackings to be an instructor but the real question perhaps that torment me is can I overcome this lackings. Someone once said to me "If you want to only start when your ready, then you will never start cause you can never be ready till you start". I'm trying to convince myself to take the 1st step... to start it... Only by starting it can I improve myself... But I fear the fall which looms within this path... Cause if I fall, I would have loss one of the few things which I deeply am passionate about...