Hurts

Dear bloggie,

I always thought all those guys whom b*tch, groan n even cry, for getting rejected by a gal where merely wuss. I mean common, so many gals out there, just one gal say no, and like "life is sux", "Why why why?", etc

Today, I realized... I'm a wuss too. A tingling sensation at the corner of my heart (Yes, I do have one), small but deep and sharp, like a thorn in my flesh, like a painful toothache that won't go away. I never knew I was capable of experiencing such emotions being an apathetic person and etc. And it got really, really got worst when I saw her the next next day. I tried to be myself, but I dunno izt just me or her, it's really awkward. Really awkward, it feels as both people are merely pretending.

The question surfaces on my mine, is she trying to avoid me to drive her sign, NOT INTERESTED or am I imagining thing due to my wussy state of mind. I feel cold, I feel destructive, I feel even anger at myself, I feel self pity for myself... Why was I rejected? How could I forgot my own f*ckin reflection in the mirror? Why did I open my big mouth? Why am I so lame? Why am I a big retarded zero?

And then I wished I could hit the reset button and start 1 day all over again. Play it differently. Then I realized, there is no reset, no let's forget tis whole lame stunt I pulled and be normal frens.

I'd screwed it up... Like every other thing in life...

#Update, I couldn't even imagine what is going through the minds of those that got rejected in more advance stage as my stage at Level 0 already hurt like crap.