Clash of the Titans Review

Dear bloggie,

"One day, someone's going to have to make a stand. One day, someone's going to have to say enough. - Perseus's Fisherman dad with no mentioned name, Clash of the Titans"

While this line was utter within the movie was targeted towards the gods, I have I am saying this line right now targeted at all those Hollywood farkard directors that earns kazillions making shitty movies like this. Am I overreacting? No, I'm not overreacting, if I had to rate this piece of shit, I will say it's ranks at Beowulf level. Yea, it's THAT bad...

I dunno why, through the whole damn movie, I feel disconnected. Is as if the scenes in the movie were glued together with a cheap lousy plaster tape... One second we have Perseus and co. fighting giant scorpions, next we have them riding them with some odd blue eyes freaks, next we have him playing catch the eyeball with 3 blind witches, another we have Perseus playing hanky-panky with Io under a boat heading towards the Underworld? (Common la, he is about to battle Medusa and the thing high in his priority list is "Get on top of the babe"?)

Dun even get me started on how stupid the script was... "Together" says the Osama Bin Laden wannabe that straps himself with explosives that looks like a blue heart... WTF!? Do wat together? A let's screw together pickup line with Medusa? A dramatic kamikaze line before exploding in kingdom come? A feel good "I said together earlier in this movie so let me said it again before I blow myself into pieces" that will make him be remembered? (No, I still can't remember wtf his her it's name or it's species is) Or izt simply a typical Hollywood, "Let's us laugh together at this lame 'together' line by a dude that can't say any other human words"?

And the so called climax of the movie.... Wait a minute... What is the climax part of the movie anyway? Personally, it's a close choice between "Argh, Giant scorpions", "Medusa is so sexy with all those scales" and "We we planning tis scene for this PS3 game where the gamer will get to battle Hades birdies on a black pegasus flying around with the Kraken demolishing the city in the background". For an action movie, this movie sure lacks action scenes... The scorpion scene is so-so, but the slaying of Medusa battle, simply anti climatic. The best analogy I can use to describe this scene is like going to 2 rumah hantu. One is a rumah hantu where u enter, straight got loud noisy noise of people screaming, then flashy light like disco going around, Ugly ghost statues brightly lit to gross u out, etc... Another is a rumah hantu that is totally silent, no noise, all u can hear is ur footsteps, all u can see is the path in the maze in almost darkness, then suddenly... U get my point, the Medusa fight sorta degenerates from "Medusa vs Perseus and Co." to "Perseus and Co. Vs Giant Snakewoman with arrows". Finally, the supposedly climax scene where Perseus takes on the Kraken... Wat a utter crap... I think the whole Hades secret plan to overthrown Zeus plot was introduce because they are unable to generated enough suspense in the Kraken scene hence we get Perseus Vs Hades + Kraken instead, which is btw lame also (Thunder, Thunder, Flying Thunderblade... Whooooaaaaaa to the Underworld Hades...)

The ending was without a doubt another point of laugh for me. Zeus said in the end "If you insist on continuing this mundane human existence, I'll not have you do it alone. You're the son of Zeus, after all!" and proceeds to revive the babe Io. I was like thinking... Cool! Revive the babe and leave out the foster father, mother and sister... Way to go! See even Zeus thinks the best part to our mundane human existence is having our partner of the other sex...

Verdict: Release the Kraken on these Hollywood directors