Just do it

Dear bloggie,

Just do it... the so called Nike phrase...

Yea, just submitted my application for my so called must-atleast-try-before-i-die job. I wonder wat kinda question will be asked in the interview? Will they question my commitment towards this job? Will they berated me for trying to find personal satisfaction in such kind of job? I have no experience nor skill to shout about in the interview except my undying gratitude for the thing that made/defined/nurture/watever me to what I am today... Will my intention and desire be enuff, I wonder? Even if I do manage to somehow land the job, do I have what it takes to perform? I definitely don't intent on sullying the good name of the one thing I have ever come close to ever "loved".

Yet again, if I was really committed towards it, why did I so easily gave it up and chosen my current career instead? Fear or laziness... Laziness a bit, but fear was the main factor. Fear not for it but rather the limitation of my potential in it. Fear I would one day hate it due to my shortcoming in it, so I easily gave my chance to pursue it, thinking somewhere in life I would find something I would learn to love just as much as it... Wishful thinking of the youth I guess... Wish I could tell my younger self back then, there's never a second time in life... This moment, right now... *Poof* Gone, never again will it you have another go at it... Sorry no rewind, no reset...

I can't help to ponder the disaster that could transpire if I do land the job. I could screw up and end up screwing others as well. Should I screw up, how will it affect my mental state then? More depressed? Maybe I getting a bit to ahead of myself, maybe I should take things one step at a time... First land the interview then think about other things... But it's hard you know, when you yearn to achieve something you really yearn for, you can't stop worrying about how it could fall apart...